I’ve sat here staring at an empty page for about ten minutes. I have no idea what I plan on saying. I have no idea if I will actually end up sending this to you. I have no idea what is going through my head. I have no idea about anything lately. I am so lost. You are the person I always turn to in these times and I wish I could drive up to your house and have you hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright.
My time away from you had only strengthened my love for you. I have always loved you, I just wasn’t ready. I have held back so much from you, but time away always makes the heart grow fonder. I think back on the past year and I know you’ve done some questionable things, but the bulk of what went wrong came from me and my scared heart. I put up a wall. Why? I was terrified of letting someone else in. I was terrified of getting broken again. But look where I am now – broken. Things would be so different today if I would have opened up to you.
I want you to know how proud I am of the person you are. Despite all of the tragic loss and hardships you have encountered in your years of living, you have pushed all of that aside and stayed positive. You were the light in my life. You were the reason for my happiness and silliness. You’re the person for so many people. I’m one of the lucky few that got to experience it for a year, and I wish I could for a lifetime. I love you because of the way you made me feel when you would hug me. I felt so safe and wanted and like I was right where I was meant to be. I want you to know that you’re always in my heart and that your spot in there is forever.
I don’t expect a reply because I don’t want to get my hopes up. I know you’re a great person and I know you don’t want to hurt me. I know you’re protecting yourself. I just have to tell you over and over I still love you and even more than I did four weeks ago. I sit in my room everyday thinking where things wrong and it always come down to my actions. I was so lost. I know you wont want to believe me when I say I’ve found myself, and I don’t blame you, but I hope you do. I hope you know how badly I want to love you forever. And I want you to think of how amazing we are together.
The broken girl – who will love you for eternity