To wallow or not to wallow? That is the question.

To wallow or not to wallow? That is the question.

To wallow or not to wallow? That is the question.

broken-heartYou’re in break-up hell. Life sucks. You’re crying all the time. You’re existing pretty much on toast and you’d do anything – but anything – to feel better. Do you a) distract yourself with Mad Men marathons on Netflix, b) stalk your ex on Facebook 24/7 or c) talk to friends about your ex, talk to family about your ex, talk to your parrot about your ex, and write letters to your ex?

If you answered a), respect. Mad Men is awesome. Those of you who chose b) should probably seek therapy. Those who went straight to c), though, could well be skipping out of Break-Up Town early, if a Northwestern University study earlier this year is anything to go by.

A researcher studying heartbreak wondered if by asking students to rehash their break-up pain, she was actually hindering their recovery. So she tested her theory with two groups – one which answered two surveys (one at the start of the study and one at the end) and a second group which came into the lab regularly to answer questions about their break-up over a nine week period. The lab rats were better off, according to the study, because talking about their break-ups had helped them process it faster, feel less lonely and get used to their idea of themselves as single people.

The moral of the story, kids? Write letters. Chew the ear off your mates. Talk it out. Hug it out. And before you know it, you’ll probably be feeling a whole lot better.

Do you agree? Does focussing on break-ups help you get over it quicker, or just drag you down more? I’d love to hear your opinion in the comments.


  1. De' 9 years ago


    Yes, I totally agree that one should get this break up shit off of their chest. And I totally thank you for this website! Heart break is a b*tch lol

    • Letter To My Ex 9 years ago

      It sure is. I just read your letter as it happens, will be popping that up shortly – awwww. Hope you’re doing okay. x

  2. Medea 9 years ago

    Totally agree!!! I got over mine by participating in online support groups and writing here and there and everywhere!! Now I’m over the bastard! But heartbreak do really sucks, hope that whoever is going through this right now will get over it soon. Life goes on and you might feel suicidal now, but nothing lasts forever… not your pain, not his happiness.

    • Letter To My Ex 9 years ago

      It’s good to remember that, isn’t it? Hard to believe when you’re in the midst of it all, but eventually you DO heal and life DOES go on.

  3. Medea 9 years ago

    Absolutely! Nothing lasts forever! I myself thought that the bastard ex was it, but he was the one who ended it. Soon his ‘happiness’ will also end, because this world is finite. Even mountains and landscapes get shaped and demolished. Nothing lasts forever…

  4. M 9 years ago

    I’m wallowing at the moment, although I’ve little control over it.
    My eyes keep crying, my heart keeps sinking.
    Anyway, I believe it’s like a bereavement, and talking about it helps.

    • Letter To My Ex 9 years ago

      It absolutely is, M. You can’t escape the pain, much as you’d like to – you just have to kinda sit with it and wait it out. But it does get better. You’re doing the right thing talking about it and writing about it and getting it all OUT.
      Sending you big hugs. XO

    • Venus 9 years ago

      what does M stand for?

  5. Nicole 8 years ago

    Thank you Rachel for having this website. I just had a break up with my first boyfriend who I found out what cheating much of our 6 month relationship. It sucks to put your self out there so nakedly and to be stomped on like that. The sad part is he probably doesn’t care and doesn’t have a desire to change. I’ve been crying a lot and talking with my friends and every day I get a little stronger. Writing the letter really helped. Thank you again!

    • Letter To My Ex 8 years ago

      Hi Nicole. Being cheated on is the worst – it really does shake the foundations doesn’t it? So sorry you’re going through that hell right now. I know it probably feels like there isn’t much of a silver lining but there IS… you dodged a bullet because you got an insight into who he really is only 6 months in! That is great and means a lot less wasted time. (I found out my ex was cheating 4 years into our relationship, living together, the whole bit – and I think he’d been cheating most of that time. WHAT A WASTE OF 4 YEARS!!!) It sounds like you’re doing absolutely the right things, and I’m glad writing the letter and posting on the site helped. Go you. Good luck with everything and have a great Xmas. XO

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.