Dear Jon

LTME postThe irony still stands. I didn’t want to text you, it didn’t seem appropriate. So this is me. I have some things I need to say. Read this if you want, it just seemed like the best mode of getting things out the open, I’m not even sure I’ll send this.

On Wednesday night, I was thrown out into the cold. I was scared, crying, and alone. I have never been more embarrassed in my entire life. I think I terrified poor Nicole, when I asked her to take care of you. I felt like a girl you had just met and wanted little to deal with. Luckily my brother was in town still, and helped me settle in at Rachel’s. He held my hand while I cried. I was mortified. He called the rugby guys, they drank beer with me and watched the office.I stayed the night. No text from you to ask if I was alright, no problem just throwing me out, no real apologies. Nothing. You didn’t even make sure I got in an uber okay.

To say I was thrown for a loop is the understatement of the century. I thought everything was fine, I waited patiently for you to return from classes, and I was mistaken to think you actually wanted me there. I begged my parents to allow me to come up and stay with you. I was so excited, and you told me you were too.

You had sex with me two days prior. You told me you loved me that morning. You took me out for dinner. You had so many opportunities to end it with me and you chose, quite possibly, the most heartless way possible. It made me question everything about myself and everything I believed to be wholesome and true about you. What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

I was loyal to you in every sense of the word. I constantly worried about you, I held your hand through it all. I edited your papers on request. I planned visits to come see you. I begged for time to FaceTime you and call you and hear your voice. I had to tell you when I was having a rough day, to get a ‘sorry babe’ in response. I doted on you. I told you you are wonderful, gorgeous, brilliant, and talented every second I had. I elevated you so much, so that I in turn could be treated like the garbage I feel like now.

I have watched you change, and not for the better quite honestly. You used to be kind, and quirky, and everything about you I adored. That has been replaced by arrogance, bitterness, and a shallow look at life. You’re obsessed with drinking and drugs. You failed most of your classes last semester because you could not get your head around that writing a paper is more important than going out and getting drunk with your friends. I’m not sure when you’re going to realize it, but just because you go to Northwestern doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful. Plenty of people have failed out, or failed to get into any of the grad school programs. Your GPA matters, more than any frat party ever will.

For the last couple of days, I have been waiting on an apology that will probably never come, knowing you now. I thought I meant something to you, but things change, people change. I’m going to come out of this on top. When I first got home, I reread your retreat letter, horrible mistake, I don’t recommend it. I cried and cried, my parents helped me through it all.

You asked me if we could be friends. Maybe eventually. This shit still really stings. For the record, I would never throw you out into the cold and call you my best friend within the same sentence. So yeah thats it. I feel like I should say go fuck yourself or something. But I still do care about you, and love you honestly.


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