First, I want you to know that I’m writing this from a place of acceptance, forgiveness, and honesty.
I know so many things have been said this entire breakup, and many of them came from me, and I admit they have been hurtful. There is no excuse for the kind of language I used when I was hurt and angry; I am not sorry I said them because that was what made me feel better at those moments, but I am learning to not use them in my moments of hurt and anger. You also told me hurtful things, but I understand where they were coming from, and I don’t hold them against you; not anymore at least.
I understand that you have a lot of things going on in your life, and I am sorry if I added more stress to your life by fighting so hard for this relationship to the extent of me disrespecting myself and me disrespecting your space and personal life. As I have told you again and again, I just had to fight up to the core of my being. And, that just proves that I loved deeply, and I am grateful for that experience. In fact, I am thankful for so many things with regard to you and our relationship. I take comfort in the fact that the love you showed me was real. That what was I felt at least, and I hope you felt that the love I showed you was real too.
I am going against relationship advice that I should not open my heart to you and be emotional and show you my feelings, that I should show you that I am staying strong. But, as I have told you, I am coming from a place of honesty, and I am not going to hesitate to open up my heart to you, if for the last time.
I wanted to be so angry at you and just blame you and blame you and blame girls for allowing sex to be so cheap and easily available for men because it made the pain go away for a moment. But, I realized that it is just a short-term solution. The only way for me to heal is to forgive myself and to forgive you. I won’t deny it that there are so many things I would have liked you to learn and realize and for you to change to my idea of a better person, but it finally hit me that I can’t do that for you and it is only causing me so much pain, that only you can do that for yourself. I was trying to be a teacher or a savior or something, and that was a really really bad idea. So, there is nothing left I can do but accept and forgive you for what I thought were your shortcomings and forgive myself for not being enough for you to stay with me in the long run.
We loved each other until you decided we were not meant to be anymore. You said you’d miss me, and I’d miss you too, but that is all there is. You have made your decision and there’s nothing much I can do but accept and respect it.