Dear Cocoy, it really is painful.

Posted by Anette Matalog in I wish you well, Still heartbroken

LTME-post Dear Cocoy,

It’s been a while since I last wrote a letter to you. I want to get all creative just like before to make you remember how we were, but a letter is all I could create at the moment. I’ve always thought we are inseparable. That I have been planning our whole lives together. Do you remember the time when we spend the nights holding hands and just looking up at the sky in Galicia St., even though there are clearly no stars visible in Manila. Remember how our eyes sparkle when we say our I love you’s to each other. The time when we agreed to spell I love you as “Iloveyou” because you said that our love is too much for it to have space between I love you. How time is not a limiting factor when we’re together but only a mere number that we effortlessly ignore. Now we barely have time for us. Our lives have been intertwined with life that we lazily drifted from each other.
It really pains me to think that the love we used to have is slowly fading through time. I wish I could tell you that I still love you the same, I hope you too could tell me that. But everything’s different now. I know we both have our shortcomings. I have drifted away myself but now I’m back, back for good. I hope you could still see the thread that is holding us together, I hope you could still touch it and pull it and climb your way back to me. If not, then I don’t know. I don’t want to be friends, I don’t want to stay in touch just because we care for each other, just because we shared a past together. I want to be in touch because you still hold me in your heart, because I still hold you in mine. I love you with all my will, with all my might, with all that I am. And if I could only do so much to get you back. To get Ba and Yat together. Is there a Ba and Yat? Would you like “we” better than “you”? Because I sure know what I want.

I will be here, just waiting for you. And if one day you turn to me and tell me that you want out then I have to respect that. Though I’m not so sure if I could accept that.

Please tell me that things will be fine and that things will go back to just the way they were. Iloveyou with all of me. I hope you still feel the same.

Anette

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1 Comment

Mpcrxs 5 years ago
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I’m sorry for giving up on us just like that. It hurt me to do that too, you know. I’m just always there watching in distance. I can see that you’re happy now. More than you have ever been with me. Just like that Ed Sheeran song. You’re doing so much better than you have been with me. I was holding you down from the things that you wanted to do, to experience. And maybe, in a way we were holding each back from the things we wanted. We just never had the courage to not cling to each for dear life for fearing that we’d never flourish without one another. But we did. And so much more you did. I want to say that we would have grown together, We would have flourished together, that if we just stucked it out we would be in the same position we are today but in each other’s arms. But I really don’t know that. And we’ll never know for sure. All I know is that you essential for me as a person whom I had shared past with. You were a key to unraveling this version of me, as I was, I hope, to you. And I may regret it someday, or maybe I’m regretting it now but like in the past I’m fooling myself that I don’t again, I truly am happy for you if you’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you. And will always.

So here I am, flashing some courage, something that I never had before, to say that you’ll always hold a place in my heart. For what it’s worth, I’m not saying that I want you back. Neither am I saying that I don’t. And I don’t even know the point of this letter. I just want you to know that I’ve read yours, and after 3 years this is how I feel.

Super_cowkie