I’ve contemplated for the last week on what to say to you and if I should even say anything at all. Everyone had said that I forget about you and never speak to you again, which would be an easy option. But this last week has taught me so much not only on heartbreak, but also on maturity and forgiveness. I obviously am feeling quite heart broken about the situation and I know that is going to take time to heal, but there is no point hating you and dwelling on every bad aspect because that will only make me bitter and in no way will help my growth as a person. I want you to know that what you did makes me feel sick, I can’t imagine how you spend all this time telling me you love me, holding me, looking at me and making love to me while knowing you had been unfaithful. I had asked you so many times in the relationship if anything else had happened and you had lied to my face and continued a relationship that was broken, I really don’t think that was fair. When I look back on the relationship, that’s what hurts the most, because I cannot even begin to understand how you did that. No one is perfect, both of us have made mistakes and hurt each other but I have never lied to you. Every beautiful memory I have with you, and my god there was a lot is now tarnished with the thought that I was so full of love and you were so full of shit. That’s what hurts the most. I know I said I wanted to forget you and all the memories, but I am learning that isn’t possible and it isn’t a good idea to hide from your problems, you need to face them.

It sounds silly, but I have grown more as a person in the last week than I have in a year. I don’t want to be bitter, I don’t want to hate you, I actually want to forgive you and get closure so that eventually I can move on. Despite all the pain I’ve felt since finding out its given me so many opportunities to reflect on myself and who I am as a person. I know I over react; I can be nasty and bitter. The one thing that will haunt me is that you said I destroyed you, I know there has been some incredibly hard times in the last few years and I have made mistakes, but I have owned up to them and apologised for each and every single one. You may think I destroyed you, but despite everything we’ve done to each other I was always there for you. I was the first person to hold you in my arms while you cried and shaked, I was the only person there for you in second year while you were battling your depression. I have answered every single call of you either too drunk; on drugs or threatening to hurt yourself and I have been there every single time to pick up the pieces. I know all of your secrets and have never once judged you, only encouraged you to get better and find your feet again. Reflecting on that has reminded me how much of a caring person I am, yes it does cause me heart break when I invest so much into someone and they don’t feel the same way, but I wouldn’t change this characteristic for the world. It seriously warms me to know that despite my flaws I am an incredible person and I am so resilient. You told me that there is no point pretending we didn’t happen because every experience shapes your future ones, and it is now that I’ve had time to think I can agree with that. The last three years, everything we’ve been through, things I’ve been through I have always bounced back, it has made me so incredibly sure of my degree/career choice that I am now so much more motivated than ever to finish my undergrad with straight As and to get into clinical. I need to forgive you for what you did even though I don’t agree with it and cannot understand it because I need that closure, I cannot be bitter and I know that when the day comes and I receive an acceptance letter into the programme I will think about you.

I am incredibly sorry for any pain I have put you through since I came into your life, but I really want you to know that I always loved you and never once lied. I would have done anything and everything for you. From this incredibly shitty situation I am hopeful that I am going to come out of it as a better and stronger person, I have this amazing opportunity to experience the world and I can’t let that pass me by because I am hung up on you. So in conclusion, this is my day of letting go, forgiving you and allowing myself to get onto a new journey in life, one without you. I don’t want to be bitter, everything happens for a reason, people come in and out of your life for a reason, and you have been the best and worst parts so far, but I am optimistic that one day I will fall madly in love again and they won’t hurt me. I hope that you find yourself Myles, I hope you find a new adventure and you grow as a person and find yourself in a place of happiness again, mistakes do not define you, but they teach you lessons and I’m sure this one has. Last, but not least because I’ve bossed you around for the last three years and I may as well have one final say, go to lectures, study hard, meet new people, find yourself, beat this depression and become the amazing person you deserve to be. You have so much potential and I hope you realise all the good things I saw in you.

Finally, I have the closure to say its time I let you go, I’ll always have a place for you in my heart, just no longer my life. I wish you all the best for the rest of the year and be safe.