All of this is so hard for me for so many reasons. I love you so much. In the beginning I didn’t think you would matter to me but you just came into my life and I fell so hard for you. You have this way of always making things better. Whenever I was with you things were always better. It’s going to be hard to be without you. Our lives are going to change so much. Especially mine after I graduate college. I don’t know where I’m going after may if I end up farther from you or closer I won’t be doing that for you I’d be doing it for me. When we talked you made it seem like I saw us long termed and I had our entire future planned out. But I just want to clarify that I wouldn’t have changed my life for you, and our relationship wasn’t unfair to me. Whatever decision I would have made if I would have gone to LA anyways that would have been for me and my growth as a human. I would have thought of you in my decision making but the decision would be based on my being. I’m not mad at you for ending it. I understand that you’re going through a lot and you need to figure things out on your own. I just wish things didn’t have to end this way. I understand that you said just because things aren’t over now it doesn’t have to be over in the future and that you want contact still. Believe me I do too but I can’t do that. This is it. I’m always going to be giving more of myself away to you. I always want to be in bed with you and feeling you inside me. I always want to tell you that I love you. I’ll say that I’m okay with the breakup and I still want to see you. Just so we can be together. But we wouldn’t be together because it’s over. I feel that is a double edged sword for me because I’ll still be giving myself away to you and I wouldn’t be getting anything back in return. I can’t do that to myself that would be me waiting around for you. I want to be living my life. So it’ll probably be better for us or me at least to cut all contact. I need all the space from you that I can get so I can be myself again. Being with you has changed me in so many ways. I can’t explain it but I think your personality has rubbed off on me. I think you’re amazing in so many ways and there’s so many things that I love about you. I love how passionate you are about your music. I love how creative you are. I love how you make me feel when we kiss because it always felt so right to kiss you and to be in your arms. I always loved how serious you were in life but that you could be super weird too. I love your laugh. I also love how you would smile at me. There’s so many things that I love I couldn’t fit it on this piece of paper but I want to tell you what I love most about you. You’re always yourself. You’re so confident in life and you just have this way about you that makes you such a beautiful person. I’m so happy that you were in my life and I’m so happy that I got to experience you. I hope you don’t change that one thing about you. I’m so excited for you. You’re twenty and your life is going to be forever changing. I hope it takes you to wonderful places. I just want you to know I’m not cutting you out of my life to get back at you I just have to do this so I can learn how to be happy without you. I just want to make myself happy again. Maybe in a year we might be talking again but I know for right now I need to not have any contact with you. I need to find myself again, and to be confident again. I can’t do that if we remain friends. I don’t know if you’ll understand but it just seems like the best decision for me. I’m done worrying about things that I can’t control. I can only control my actions and how I handle this breakup. I hope everything you want in the next few months do happen. I just want happiness for the both of us. I hope you find balance between life and school. I was single for all of college before you. During that time I was able to find the person that I wanted to be, and I learned so much about myself. I feel like I no longer know myself anymore. I’ve been involved with you for the past year. I forgot things about myself during that time. I forgot how to find happiness on my own. I found so much happiness with you that I allowed myself to forget what happiness was from within me. I’m sorry for all of my insane moments I was trying to hold onto our relationship. You were being real with yourself. This is how I’m being real with myself by writing everything I couldn’t say to you in a letter. When we talked yesterday, and you said it’s over I was taken back. I didn’t have the courage to tell you that I don’t want to be friends or that I can’t cut all contact with you. I was trying to hold onto the little piece of you that I could. It’s better for me this way. I love you as a person I care for your wellbeing and your dreams. I have to put myself first. So goodbye.
9 Comments
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I wrote this back in January when my boyfriend and I broke up. The breakup only last for a few weeks before we were texting again, and seeing each other once a month. Our relationship is long distance. When I wrote this letter I had the strength to give to him, and to say goodbye. But I couldn’t keep myself from texting and calling him. Right now things with him are a lot better but I always wonder how my life would be if I just left things as they were. If I didn’t contact him or if I didn’t visit him where would I be now. It will always be a mystery now. Now I love him so much more, and we have figured our stuff out. We still have issues, and things aren’t always perfect but at the end of the day we love each other. Life isn’t perfect. Sometimes love isn’t enough. To make it work you have to struggle with the other person. Relationships work by compromising, and always trying your best to understand the other person. I learned that from him, and from writing this letter.
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I’m glad to hear things are going ok for you two. I feel like when we are young we expect so much from love and relationships based on our feelings, but in the end it takes a lot more than that, it requires commitment and effort. Good luck in the future.
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I like to look back at this letter from time to time. I am still with my boyfriend. When I wrote this letter I was in a bad place. My boyfriend broke up with me, and I thought it was the end of the world. Even though the break up only lasted for a few weeks. When we were working things out we had so many issues that we had to work on. I also had to work on myself. When I wrote this letter I could no longer make myself happy but I didn’t want to latch on to my ex at the time. I had to force myself to be somewhat happy, and to try not to contact or visit my ex. Especially when it was only a week after the breakup. I was a train wreck but I still tried to be happy. When we decided to work out all of our issues, and still continue our relationship long distance. I made myself a priority. I realized if I was going to make this relationship work, and continue to struggle with this person while we figure out our relationship, I needed to have the ability to find happiness within myself and not from my boyfriend. A year and a half later I am continuing to make myself happy, and my relationship is much stronger. I don’t latch onto my boyfriend as much, and I know that I can live without him if I had to. I don’t want to. I love him so much more, and he has become a bigger part of my life. The only difference is that I found happiness within me and not my partner.
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lol still looking back at this letter. I comment on this post from time to time to get my mind in the right perspective. We broke up again and hopefully are getting back together. I cannot help but love the same person that I adored since 16.
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Haley-
You have inspired me to write many letters to this guy I love that lives 1,975 away from me. On the opposite ends of the world. Its over now between us. I love him more than I care to share. Its good to reflect back from time to time. things change, people grow, people change, life happens that is change in and of itself. Time changes everything. its the only thing that never stands still and with it we move. Time moves us. Whatever may happen with your man its ok, because things change, life happens. hugs to a wonderful new year.-
Cleo thank you for your comment. I appreciate it, Things are over between us Ive known since I was 16 and we didn’t date till we were in our twenties in college for 3 years. We grew apart and that’s okay. I found myself again and I have been enjoying getting to know who I am again without having a man in my life. Its been 6 months since I saw him and it’s been a great 6 months. We still talk every once in awhile but things are better this way. I love myself more than I care to love another person at this moment in my life.
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Now I get to find who I am as 25 year old woman that moved to San Diego and living my best life. I am happy again without another person. I told my friends if we were ever to break I would be okay well guess what I am better than ever and I more than okay. There were many red flags in the relationship when I look back on it and part of the reason why we broke up was that he couldn’t support me at the time and he became abusive.
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When someone you love starts hurting you physically and emotionally I don’t care what the relationship is. You leave. I learned that. I thought I learned you have to struggle blah blah blah from this person but honestly I learned what I don’t want in a partner.
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I wrote this letter almost 3 years ago. Its completely over between me and my ex. At first it was hard to let go of someone that I was with for 3 years and moved into together after graduating college. The environment in which the relationship ended was toxic and horrible. He ended up putting hands on me. We didn’t talk for 10 months. I moved to San Diego and he lives in Los Angeles we saw eachother back in September to exchange everything. I left so much crap at his and I had a bunch of his stuff. This last year has been a year of pain and self discovery. When we ended the relationship I didn’t know who I was anymore. I went to the hospital twice this year and went through therapy while being prescribed medication because i couldn’t sleep on my own anymore. In July I moved to San Diego. The place I always wanted to end up in after college. Since moving here I was able to put my puzzle pieces back together of who I was before I ever dated him. I’m not focused on the past anymore. Holding onto something can cause so much pain. This year I learned how to let go of the most toxic relationships I ever experienced. There was a time when things were good and I did think I could possibly end up with this person but no relationship stays good. When its toxic its better to let go. I’m so happy with my life now. Being single should be more empowering for people.
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