It’s been a whole year now. A year since I looked at your tear-stained face and recognized that we couldn’t continue what we had and be truly happy. This just couldn’t work.
I’m not going to lie, the end of our relationship has shaken me to my core. How could that relationship not work? We had everything going for us. I was going to Bible college, my mom and your parents got along so well, we had a plan to be missionaries and travel the world, we were high school sweethearts (voted cutest couple our senior year)… We talked and laughed about those who said we wouldn’t make it. How silly were they? They didn’t know what our love was like.
Our love was the love you find in a movie. You loved film and I loved everything. Our love was the love you find in a Taylor Swift song, and that was proven time and time again as we baked in the kitchen and danced to her songs. Remember the time we laid on your bunk bed and listened to Holocene and didn’t need to say a word? Remember that first Halloween when we sat in Pansy Patch park and I told you my fears and hurts?
How did we not make it? If that one didn’t, what will?
I’ve thought about that a lot over this past year. What about that relationship wasn’t right? When we broke up, I had a Doctor Who lunchbox full of letters and mix CDs to discard. I just realized I still have the YouTube playlist of videos you made for me bookmarked.
We didn’t end because you hurt me or I hurt you. We just both knew it had to stop.
Which makes it hard, because I still love you. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop loving you. But I also know that we can never be.
Please don’t think that I’m sitting and waiting around for us to be able to work, because I’m not. I’ve been on a few dates and there are a few guys that have caught my eye. But I will always love you. Every time I said that I loved you, up until the last time I said it when we broke it off, I meant it with my whole being.
And now we’re strangers in this big world. You know all of my secrets, but you don’t know me now. Which is so weird.
I hope that you’re okay. I hope that you’re truly happy and that you’ve found your better place and your better time.