Dear D,

It has been almost 4 months since we broke up?

I still remember the day you broke up with me over the phone, every single words you told me. You said that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, you felt lost in our relationship, you felt depressed in life and you were not ready to love anyone because everything was numb to you. I knew it was hard for you to live with anxiety and because of your previous relationship that haunted you, so I agreed to give you space. I knew that if I love you, I have to let you go. I told myself that maybe we can stay as friends for now, so you can learn to love yourself first before you start to love again. You promised me that you will be back again when you are ready.

To be honest, I knew the reason wasn’t because of your anxiety and feelings, I knew you still couldn’t let go of your past, you still can’t move on from her.and yes I was probably in a rebound relationship with you for the past 6 months. I told myself not to overthink much and wanted to focus on myself, let it be, if it is meant to happen, it will right?

We agreed to keep in contact because I understand that you need someone to talk to sometimes, when panic attacks and after all, you are my best friend. We started talking again 2 weeks ago, had some friendly conversations and we even met up once because you said you wanted to catch up. You even offered to send me home. I knew it all happened because you felt bad for what had happened between us, you were sorry that it didn’t turn out to be a fairytale.

But hey I told you that I forgive you remember? So there is nothing to be sorry about.

Anyway, we hugged before I left and you said that you missed me a lot. I miss you too, more than as a friend of course. I admit that it sort of give me hope that we will get back together again but I know things are not that easy. It is hard to move on, especially when you are still in love, and it is harder when it is your first love.
I know I wasn’t your first love, but I want to thank you for being mine and we shared a lot of good memories together.

Recently I have found out that you starting a new relationship, and I am genuinely happy for you. You deserve to be loved and I really hope that she is not your rebound tool (rebound relationship is really unfair and it hurts!)

I am happy for myself too, for the past few months, I have told myself to move on, to forget you but it was goddamn hard because everything that happened to me felt too real. And everything just changed overnight. At least now I can convince myself that we will not get back together. Even if you are ready for love again, you still won’t choose me again so that’s a solid proof right?

I will be okay, I will be fine, soon I hope.