On a night like this, i’m lying in bed..happy and sad at the same time.Happy that i have my peace and so do you..finally. i can’t help but smile when i remember that we were once best friends..a team..family..now..enemies. Yes,i do miss you, a lot more than you think..and i’d want to kiss you so bad right now..in fact, i’d want to want you back..but i love me more. Isn’t that what’a supposed to happen..self love first..i love my heart more..so much to have to walk away from all the pain..and frustrations..you broke me..broke my trust..for 4 years..over and over again..and i just let you. why? I was so vulnerable..i let myself be an open book to you..so open that you knew my thoughts..my words..my actions..and you took advantage of it..you lied..you led me to paranoia..i saw how bad it grew day by day..the insecurities grew..i even doubted whether i could function without you. (silly). i felt weak without you..so bad that i had to apologise for following my instincts,which were 100% right up to the last day.. i was so blinded by ‘love’, couldn’t see the lies..
Babe,the last 4 years were good..the last 4 years were bad..right now,i have to build my life all over again.this time without you in my life..i am learning to find myself and keep to myself so that i don’t end up beaten like i am again..
You my love, good luck with your life..and finding new love, that i will..better than yours, sadly..love thats unconditional..that wants to want me all the time..not when i decide to walk away and is threatened by my absence. Love that wants to commit..that doesn’t string other women along..where there’s no negative anxiety or competition..love that doesn’t make me feel like a second option..secured love,the kind that is anchored..so strong that leaves no wafts of doubt..love that wants to act right from the start..love that doesn’t prompt me to suggest change but one that makes someone act right because they can’t imagine a life without me..love that is not toxic to my health..but rather soothes the soul. YES, that’s the love i want and i’m not asking for it from you.You had your chance to offer that. We know what you did, i’m not saying you are incapable..you just don’t deserve me.
Finally darling,while my letter is biased. don’t be quick to judge..i was not the best either..probably worse than you..but i just mentioned, we need a love that’s not toxic. So, hush darling..and give it thought.it might be as well the best thing that ever happened to us.