I know it’s time to let you go but it’s hard because I feel like a part of me will still always want you.But as I was fighting for you, I realized I was fighting to be taken for granted, lied to, disappointed and hurt again. Being with you was a life changing experience. I don’t mean that it was some magical, amazing experience, though some moments were like that. You were the first person I’ve ever given my all to.I trusted you with all of my being and I depended on you like I’ve never depended on anyone else before. I got so wrapped up in the concept of “us” that I forgot about me.You changed me into a girl that my friends, my family, and not even I recognized anymore. Thinking back on our time together, I realize a lot of things now that weren’t clear to me then. I put my life on hold for you. I gradually lost myself as I tried to adapt to what I thought you wanted or needed, and in my mind, that was ever-changing. I put your feelings and wants ahead of my own. Nothing made me happier than you being pleased with me. Your approval meant everything to me. You were my entire world and I was completely dedicated to you and our love. But then you broke me. You hurt me in a way I never thought you’d be possible of doing. You cried. I cried. But somehow I ended up comforting you. I had to reassure you and tell you that it would be okay and tell you I wasn’t mad when in reality, I was screaming inside. I don’t think you realized just how much I loved you or just how much your betrayal hurt. To this day, months after the dissolution of our relationship later, I still find myself thinking about it.I still have moments where I don’t know if I’m good enough. Where I don’t know how someone could love me. I have so many issues trusting people now.
But I’m healing.I found myself again. I’m a better version of me before you. I’m happier and healthier and better off. I’m more independent and I’m willing to stand up for myself now.
I’m more confident- you gave me that confidence. I know my worth now, and it’s a hell of a lot more than the value you put on me. But there’s no denying that you changed me.
I don’t know if that’s a good or bad change. I think it falls somewhere in the middle. But you are now a part of my story. You’re still my friend, and I think we’re better that way. I’d still do almost anything for you.
I honestly want you happy and I wish you the best.
But now I’m putting me first.