Welling eyes

Welling eyes

Welling eyes

LTME-postHave you ever had your heart broken? That’s an idiotic question of course you have because why else would you be reading this? I’m not sure how you had your heart broken but I’m sorry it happened, even if it was your fault as to why you and your partner split up. It hurts though, a lot. I never expected it to hurt so much. Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is similar to killing yourself without actually dying. It’s the continuous self torture you inflict on yourself because you can’t seem to get over them. You start getting angry at yourself, the people around you, the world…love itself. You seem to be filled with such unbearable pain and frustration because you just can’t seem to stop loving them but finally comes the day you wake up and your heart doesn’t yearn for them. You’ll wake up with fresh eyes and a fresh heart. This is when life shines the smallest particle of hope on your intoxicated thoughts. Then months later you meet this person, they seem amazing and they just cannot stop making you laugh. God, how perfect can an individual be? They understand you and they’re great at giving advice. They’re always there for you when you need them and every time you look into their eyes you get a weak stomach and your palms start to sweat. You’re filled with this new love blossoming as a seed in your heart. Finally, you’re repairing yourself. It’s been a few weeks and you’re seeing them for coffee again tomorrow as they know you love coffee…with two sugars and milk. But you sit down and ponder to previous thoughts. All the pain and heartbreak from your previous relationships scatter your mind and life doesn’t seem as bright -their words don’t make you smile the same way anymore. Their compliments are just words of pity to help boost your self-esteem before crushing it by choosing someone else that is the complete opposite of you. You ruffle your shirt and allow the tears to fall as you stare at your pathetic self in the mirror. You look at the outfit you laid out for tomorrow, wondering why you’re trying so hard to impress someone who is going to use you and leave you. Why would anyone want you? Your track record is a clear illustration and you’ve lost count of all the wounds on your heart. Each scar representing the pain you’ve endured. Then it clicks in your mind and everything makes sense. The person you like so much sees a broken soul and wants to save it, of course not without getting anything out of it. They haven’t mentioned anything about a relationship and they’re secretive to their friends about you. The tears gush down your face and you choke on your tears…why you? You’re such an optimistic and happy soul who deserves love yet you’re the most damaged -how ironic? So you sit there and think, why bother falling in love when love is an excuse for people to use me?

1 Comment

  1. B 2 years ago

    I’ve had this happen many times before. I was considering if I should change myself to get someone, or give up entirely. If I did that though, then how could I look at myself in the mirror. I would rather be alone with an aching heart than with a fake patch on it. So keep that ache with you, but i choose to trust every time. And one day, you’ll find someone worthy of that heart.

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