Its been a year and I half. I felt like we were so close to achieving something amazing together and that if things were a little different we could have loved each other for years to come. Maybe even the rest of our lives. I really felt that way.
I see it differently now, and it’s taken me this long.
I see two people who were maybe so right for each other it hurt, but had so much wrong with the both of them that it took a true trampling of the soul for us to let go. To let go of something that was so hopeful and so good, yet ate away at us and burned us.
I don’t know how much you meant when you said it. I know I heard you say that you might want to try again someday. We won’t try again today nor tomorrow despite what I want. I want so bad to come back to you, but I see now that it wouldn’t work even now.
I had a vision, a blurry mirage of what a healthy relationship looked like and I was terrorfied that ours didn’t look right. I was scared by your anxious attachment to me, scared by your seeming willingness to give anything to a relationship that might not be right. I was scared and I hurt you and I will always blame myself for hurting you the way I did. I’m sorry with all my heart. I’m sorry.