On my mind

On my mind

On my mind



You have been on my mind like mad recently. I thought all of the thoughts of you were out of my head, but I was wrong. When I started a new relationship with someone, it wasn’t the same. That amazing feeling I got with you just never happened. I heard myself constantly comparing him to you and I would deny that I missed you. It has been almost two years since we broke up, and about 8 months since we last reconnected. What happened to checking in on each other, I felt like I was always the one to reach out. You would just send me Snapchats of you smoking and babble on about politics. You didn’t seem to care about how I was. It frustrates me because I know you and I just arn’t meant to be, there were many flaws. Yet, I tend to dwindle on about the exhilarating and compassionate times we shared. My first true love, and a part of me fears I will never be able to experience that again. I know it will come, just maybe not as fast as I would like. Your memory continues to haunt me in my dreams and makes me wonder if you even think about me. I’m assuming not so much as you have moved on with a new girlfriend, living in a new state, and finding your path again. I sometimes wish we were on the same path of life as we were in high school. I am graduating college in three weeks, I remember you texting me how we would get through it together and here I am alone without you. You will not see me graduate, a huge achievement for me. You will not be there to cheer me on, to express how proud you are of me. You will not see me land my first full time job, we will not live together, marry, grow a family, none of the things we had dreamt about together as young teens. That is still a hard pill for me to swallow, and I always get this urge to reach out but, I also realize that that will just cause me more harm than good. Because I know you still have issues you need to work on. You smoke way to much, talk about fucking politics day and night, and have grown up to be a different man. A man that is not right for me, I know the man that I truly deserve and he is not you. You might have possessed some of those qualities but you just didn’t make the cut. I need someone stable, independent, who has drive and goals that they are striving for. I need someone who is established and is in good standings financially. A man that is confident and is confident that he can love me and care for me. Someone who gets along with my friends and family and wants to be around them. A man that makes me feel special, is upbeat and positive. Yet, I still deeply love and care about you and I am not sure that will ever go away and that is hard. I truly hope you have found happiness in Colorado, that you have began to learn what you want to do with your life, that your new lover treats you well, and that your family is healthy. I love you, I hope you know that. Stay focused, take care of yourself and if you ever want to, you can always reach out.


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.