Dear J

LTME-post

These are all the letters I have written about you.
You might think that this is a ridiculous statement… this is only one
But you see… I have written about you every day since you left me
I wrote on the back of notebooks I have lost all around the world… on pieces of paper and airport napkins…
I have written about you in different languages, different countries, even on different continents.
I have written about you on the back of glasses I’ve raised and poured in order to drown the sorrow of you… in the midst of cigarette smoke I inhaled just so I would have something to let go
Because the truth is you didn’t left me anything to let go of, you left nothing behind long before we became nothing
Because the truth is I couldn’t bring myself to throw away the letter you once gave me
The truth is like that letter that I carry on the left pocket of the green jacket I was wearing 3 years ago when you gave it to me … I still carry you with me… always
I have kissed others, I have given my body to others I have even given my love to someone else but I never gave myself … I am only yours to give.
So my question is: how can I let you go? How can I move on if you are on my every thought?
Must I keep losing you? Must I keep losing you every morning when I wake up without you and every night I miss the warmth of your body?must I keep hurting others in the hopes of drowning you in their smile?
I still remember everything about you
I can still remember your touch, your smell, your smile… but most of all the way that loving you felt.
I miss you… today…tomorrow… yesterday… and all the 422 days since I’ve had you.

8 Comments

  1. The American Idiot 1 year ago

    Poignant and beautifully written. I feel what you’ve written. The inability to let go of the memory of a lost love. It hurts.

  2. ma 12 months ago

    Im crying now. I realized that the pain I feel past 2 weeks wont be gone in next 408 days or later. I will miss him everyday. It wont stop. I feel hopeless.

  3. Winning Webster 9 months ago

    I really love this piece

  4. Winning Webster 9 months ago

    love this

  5. Winning Webster 9 months ago

    nice piece

  6. Advice_Neede 9 months ago

    Wow…You should really confece your felling for this person.

  7. Sam 4 months ago

    This is beautiful but I understand the pain you must feel so much. I agree that it does feel like losing that person over and over again. Thank you for sharing… I hope it’s helped in some way. It’s helped me to see I’m not alone in these sorts of feelings xx

  8. Stickyflan 2 months ago

    This. made. me. BAWL. I had such singed heart strings in reading this cause it resonates heavily with how I am perceive my emotions towards the boy I loved for endless days. The part you wrote ‘So my question is: how can I let you go? How can I move on if you are on my every thought?
    Must I keep losing you? Must I keep losing you every morning when I wake up without you and every night I miss the warmth of your body?must I keep hurting others in the hopes of drowning you in their smile?”
    Hit me the hardest cause that is what I’m dealing with on a consistent basis. I can laugh with another, I can hug another, give small glimpses of myself to another but it’s only him that I truly feel my entirety tethered to.
    I hope with the passage of time, the clinging muddled musings regarding our past loved ones ease their grip on our recovering hearts. Take care.

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