It’s been almost six months since I decided to cut you out of my life. When we broke up in March of 2019, you knew I still loved you. However, you were in live with someone else even before then. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how you could have fallen for someone else while we were still together. I waited.. and I fought long and hard even after we broke up for you, for us. You were the one I thought I was going to marry and have a future with. The words you said to me, when I decided enough was enough six months ago, hurt me and I’ve never seen that side of you. I knew it was because you were hurting however, I only wished the best for you. I wanted you and only you. I didn’t want someone else to touch me or to kiss me. I didn’t want to open my heart to someone else.
From the moment you first kissed me, I was yours. I loved you tremendously and with full force. Of course, I wasn’t perfect in our relationship. I pushed you away When times got hard without meaning to. But I never stopped loving you even when you fell for someone else. I’m a better person now because I loved you. I didn’t know I could love someone so much before. I should have let you in more. The more I fought for us, the more you fought against us.
Blocking you from my life was not an easy decision. It was killing me mentally though. I couldn’t just be your friend like you wanted. I always wanted more with you. My best friend Jer knows how hard everything post break up was for me. I still wish the best for you. I still love you but in a new way. I miss you being apart of my life. I miss talking to you. I miss joking around with you. I know that this is what is best for my mental health. It still sucks not having you in my life but I am trying to adjust. I highly doubt you think of me at all and that’s okay.
I just needed to express my emotions.I know you won’t come across this letter. But if you do, I don’t hate you. I never wanted to block you, I just needed you not to reach out to me. I needed to be without you. I had to learn how to live a life without you in it and that in itself is hard. So I had to remove myself from yours in order to allow me to heal and move on. I am still doing so.
I dated someone a little while back. He’s an okay guy, but I just.. I don’t think I was ready to move on emotionally if I’m being frank. He wasn’t you, nobody will ever be you. I thought I could force myself to move on. I cannot. I have to allow myself time still in order to heal, because I’m still not over you. I wish it was easy to fall for someone new. But when you truly love someone, it isn’t. I am thankful for the time I had with you and getting to know you and loving you. Now, I must continue to move on without you.
Peace be with you,