Three years ago, I wrote you around 35-40 letters. One every day up until the day I gave all of them to you. Now, here I am writing another one because I need closure, and I want you to know this; all of it.
Three years ago, when I went to Florida, I left completely in love with you. I came back feeling the same way, believe me or not. You were everything I ever wanted in a man. Smart, funny, attractive, and you treated me so well.
I screwed all of that up while I was down there. Three years later, that hangs over my shoulders every day. The guilt and regret still makes my stomach turn.
I still remember the day you left. I used to remember the message word for word. “It’s over, I’m done. I’m breaking up with you.” I do remember that much. I deserved it. All of that is besides that point. I could ramble on about the past and everything I regret for a long time, but I won’t.
I’m writing this because three years ago to the day is when I was in Florida and that’s what’s bringing the regret, and old memories. Every night when I go to bed, I go to sleep knowing I’m going to have a dream about you. Whether it be a repeat dream of everything that happened, or a dream about us being together again or me trying to get you back. I just know it’ll be about you, and it sucks because I wake up feeling confused. I wake up feeling like I need closure again.
I hate the way things ended between us. I hate that we were so back and forth. I hate that I couldn’t accept the fact that I hurt you so bad that you didn’t trust me anymore and didn’t want to be with me anymore. I hate that I blocked you at the final end of things because at that point, I didn’t even want to try and be your friend. If I couldn’t be with you, I didn’t want you in my life at all.
When, I got with Mav a month later I was happy until we broke up that summer. Then, I had you back in my life for a while. We were hanging out and messing around. It was fun while it lasted, but I never got full closure there either.
I’m just now realizing, three years later, that there was never any real closure for me when we broke up. I think that’s why I dream about you so often, and why I think about you any time I hear a Brantley Gilbert song.
I’m moved on, and I’m happy with my life, but when you come around in my head, it messes with me. That’s why I’m writing this. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this; I doubt it. However, if you do, just know that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for everything because I feel like I’ve completely ruined and messed up your outlook on relationships and women in general. I’m sorry for talking to Nathan. I’m sorry for cheating. I’m sorry for dragging everything out, when I should’ve just let you go. If we were meant to be, we would have been. And if we are meant to be, our paths will cross again some day in the future. But for now, just know that I’m so sorry for everything.
I hope you’re doing well. I hope your family is doing well and I hope you’re happy with your life, and your job. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you.
You’ll always have a special place in my heart.