Hi!, Maybe you’re not going to see this, because, well, you don’t know who I am, but I know who you are, the thing is, I really like you and soooo much, I have 1 year thinking about you and about how much I really want to be with you, however, you don’t know who I am and probably I don’t know everything about you, I met you in an app 1 year ago, when I was 15 and I started talking to you because I thought you were really cute, however, I blocked you in instagram and I deleted the app because I’m really self conscious and I started feeling nervous and insecure when talking to you because I thought you were great and better than me that I decided just to stop talking to you, I didn’t want to get hurt, you thought I was older but not really, I’m younger than you, 5 years younger than you.
After blocking you I regretted and I wanted to talk with you more, but i don’t know, I thought you were acting cold and you didn’t want to continue talking with me and I understand because when I get nervous I don’t know what to say or talk about without feeling scared and that’s pretty fucked up, anyways I know I’m not your type at all so maybe that was one of the reasons because you didn’t show yourself really interested in me. So I decided pretend be other person while talking to you and I was feeling confidence because I wasn’t showing my face or identity and the girl who I was pretending to be, well, she was pretty and you were interested, you told me many things that made me more disappointed about myself, because I realized that i wasn’t actually your type and that you were more experienced than me in many ways.
We stopped talking because i told you i was just playing with you, the reason because I stopped talking to you is because I realized that even if i was the prettiest, smartest or coolest girl in the world, I was never going to be enough to you, because I was born a bit after you and well I’m just a baby, and you’re already an adult, maybe a young one, but, it’s obviously you have more experience and you are looking for something different, you’re not looking for a young teenage girl in her late teens and without any experience in life, I noticed about it when I knew what was your type of girl. I felt bad that you were having all that experiences with girls and with life and I was just there laying on my bed and watching stupid videos, doing nothing and dreaming about us like the fucking teenager I am.
The other problem is that we live in different countries and we have different cultures and I know you want to date a girl close to you and well, I’m not close to you. The next year I’m going to be 18, I thought this year I was going to talk to you like the real me, but I couldn’t because I didn’t do the things I said I was going to do before talking to you, anyways I talked to you this year but pretending being other girl, you didn’t show interested again because the girl wasn’t that pretty or maybe I got insecure and nervous again that I didn’t know what to say.
This year I knew I have to wait until turn 18 to talk to you because being an underage trying to date an adult is weird, anyways, now I realized that I don’t have to wait until turn 18 to talk to you, because know I know you’re not the right person to me, I never dared myself to talk to you like the real me because I thought you were going to reject me for the way I am, and well, now I don’t care, maybe I never tried it and maybe the things could be different, but now I think I’m more important than this, I have to work on myself because that’s actually what really cares, I wasted 1 year of my life thinking about a fantasy and now I don’t want to waste more time, I don’t care if you don’t like me, I don’t care if I’m not your type and I don’t care if you don’t like the way I am, this is me and I don’t have to change myself just to try to flirt with a guy who is not the right and who is just a teenage fantasy. I realized that people is going to love you the way you are without change something about you and if they try then they don’t love you, I realized that people who is only interested in appearance and in their own satisfaction without care about the others, then they aren’t worth it. I’m not writing this to you, because I know you’re not going to see this and you don’t know who I am, I’m writing this to me, to forget you and let you go, because now I just want to love myself and work in what I want to be, I wish you the best and I hope you find the girl of your dreams. Bye xx