To the ‘ex’ I never got to date

To the ‘ex’ I never got to date

To the ‘ex’ I never got to date

To my old best friend,
It’s crazy to think about how the one thing I can’t get over started 7 years ago, during the end of our 8th grade year. That was when we first met. That was when we became friends. And that was when I had my first MAJOR crush, and that crush was on you. Previous “crushes” I had were based on how pretty a girl looked, and not much else (I had them in elementary school, after all) but that all changed with you. To me, you were beautiful, inside and out, a wonderful person. I wanted you to be my girlfriend, and I desperately wanted you to feel the same. But, as you know, I didn’t tell you that until it was too late. Until after you moved. Until after I fell into my deep depression.
Until after you fell in love with someone else.
The pain of knowing that you would never love me, as dumb as it seems, affected me heavily at the time, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me even to this day. After our falling out, I hastily entered a relationship I wasn’t ready for, that lasted less than a month. I couldn’t control my sadness and anger after that breakup. I was convinced I would never be loved by anyone. And, to be honest, I still kind of am. 
But you, on the other hand, after your own high school love fizzled out, found someone else. Someone you would love even more. Someone you ultimately married.
I’m still living in this town you moved out of in sophomore year. I’m still a depressed wreck. I still hate myself with every fiber of my being. I haven’t changed at all. But I’m still happy for you. I’m proud of you. And I wish you nothing but the best in your new life. You deserve it all. I really don’t know how to end this, but… yeah. Sorry.

1 Comment

  1. LINCOINBOY 2 weeks ago

    Touching and straight from the heart. Somethings just never change.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.