I know it’s been a while since we last talked. I kept wanting to text you but it just feels sour every time I type it out. It still does. A letter just felt more personal, and more like what you deserve from me, which is so much more than I gave you.
I’m so sorry for the way I treated you when you were home, and the months prior to that. I kept pinning the blame on you to make myself feel less guilty. The truth is, the distance became too much for me. I kept feeling like I didn’t do enough to make you stay, and in return it made me resent you, even though I know nothing in this world could’ve changed your mind. That’s no fault of your own, I’ve always known this is your dream.
The last 4 or 5 months have been a lot. I’ve grown a lot and I’ve been working on my own issues. I still have a long way to go, but I knew I wanted to reach out to you. I know I treated you poorly and as much as I wanted it to make me feel better, it only made me feel worse and it’s been ripping me apart. You never deserved the anger I showed towards you.
I’m still working on bettering myself every day and it’s been difficult, but I’m managing alright.
I don’t regret a single day I spent with you, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I did. I’m still proud of you and hope you’re okay. I think about you fondly a lot. Take care of yourself and please be safe.