Do you know how in love with you I am? Do you see how in love with you I am? Everything that you do makes my heart stop. I miss you every fucking day and I wanna be with you so fucking badly. It hurts me so so so bad what you did to me.  But yet I sit here everyday and wonder what I did wrong and if I could have improved it. But I have just been sooo fucking hard on myself when I shouldn’t of been. Because what you did to me was bad. You left me twice and I waited. You shouted down the phone and told ur army mates our personal stuff. One of them called me a bitch and a piece of work and you laughed. You said we would never be together ever again. Like it fucking hurts. But yet I still cried to Sammy wondering wtf I was doing wrong.

And when u messaged I was happy but when u say “ I’ll give u a chance” ur the one who should be asking for a chance and asking for me if you want me. Like I just fucking love you I fucking do. But you need to communicate in order for anything to happen you really do. There isn’t a fucking day that don’t go past where I don’t cry myself to sleep because I miss you and miss sleeping on call and hearing ur voice talking to me. There isn’t a moment in the day I don’t think to myself I wish you were there. Every time my phone goes off I immediately check it thinking and preying it’s you. But it never is. I always message on my notes saying morning and night and I always speak to fluffy about my day as if you can hear.

It hurts so bad because all I think about is the mean things you did and it hurts because I always thought you could never ever do anything like that to me as you mean the world to me and I thought I was the same.  I do love you. I really do. But u need to communicate. I want to say thank you though. Not for the bad times but for the good times. There are no words to describe the feelings I have. you came into my life at one of my lowest points, and I thought you were sent to save me. The thing with you was that you could easily see through me, so you knew how vulnerable I was with you. I was scared of opening my heart to someone else and it scared me to go down that road ever again. Still somehow you convinced me to trust you and live a little.

I never told you this but I would get butterflies in my belly every time you laughed. I loved those adorable chuckles you had, or when you would look at me in a way that the world around you didn’t exist, or when you would tell me how beautiful my eyes were when they shone in the sun, or when you would listen to my favorite songs just to sing along with me, or when you told me how much you loved me even when I didn’t say it back. In my head we were perfect. There wasn’t a single bone in my body that didn’t love you back. I loved you when you kept me close, and I loved you when you told me get a life and move on because you thought I wasn’t the one for you, but you were everything to me. I loved you through it all and I always will.