To the stupid motherfucker who’s name apparently is hebrew for gift from god: you are not a gift from god, you are a gift from the devil. A gift from the devil wrapped in perfectly long black eyelashes, green eyes, a gently lined jaw and unbearably itchy facial hair – a sincere fuck you.

It’s okay! You know what? I am doing okay. You don’t need to ask me or worry about me because I know that if you really cared about me then you would know that I am not fucking okay and that it is most definitely your fault. But as you say – I will survive. Actually, as YOU say, we will each be a lesson for the other as we move on into our future relationships ( no seriously who fucking says that shit like an hour after the break up. fucking sociopath ). Despite my large inability to find myself being okay and continuously having to fight the urge to text you as I sit here with bile rising in my throat from the third night in a row of crying myself to sleep thinking about how I was the one that messed things all up when you never really gave me a chance at all because well, “I’m too emotional and erratic and impulsive” and you are the “level-headed rational one”. Anyways, away from this annoyingly passive aggressive in a wine aunt dialogue sort of way, here’s the actual text I would’ve sent your dumb ass. I hope you taste the floor, toad.

I hope you know that you are most definitely more impulsive than i am hahaha. never fucking say i am impulsive and irrational bc u got two mf cats when u were renting, working, and preparing to move for school. not you being the same mf who complained about how much money it was to eat out. and then you say i just wanted to stay at home and not move around? we never even went on dates lmaooo mf how you even know wha it was like to move around? lets not even get into the fact that I ain’t ever received a mf compliment from your bum ass. just told i need to hurry up bc it doesnt matter if i have makeup on or not. and not once did your ass ask me how i was doing or how i was keeping up with school – literally always put yourself in the position to be the last to find out about everything even if i wanted to tell you first. and i literally bought you everything LOL. lets not act like 3/4 of our relationship was not my monetary devotion to you. and your ass still had the audacity to fuck me and then not want to be with me. like mf that shit was traumatic as hell and i still took you back. what the fuck is wrong with you seriously. are you the entire looney bin bc u sure as hell sound like it lmaoooo either way you are a real piece of work and i hope you know that – i never claimed to be a stable person but you signed off on that actually asking me to love you. well look at that. you are a scrawny lying ass bitch fr

love, the last bitch that will ever love you – and the sexiest one too. you are so broke and alone rn i hope you catch covid a second time