How could I be so dumb?

How could I be so dumb?

How could I be so dumb?


I wish you are very happy with him. Turns out that even after almost 4 years, I still cannot move on from you. I still cannot accept the fact that I was the one pushing you away. You said you weren’t ready and I jumped to the conclusion that you friend-zoned me. And I coped with that in the stupidest way possible: turning away from you and finding rebound relationships. Now that I look back, I cannot help but feel an immense amount of regret. I cannot stop thinking about how much I have changed in these past years in a way that would have made us more and more compatible. I cannot stop thinking about being with you now that we have graduated and started to pursue our dreams. I cannot stop thinking about what it could have been had I not misunderstood what you said back then, had I stuck around and gave you the space you needed until you were ready. 

And look where I am now. Stuck in the same rebound relationship from almost 4 years ago, where I also unforgivably hurt her feelings by being unable to move on from the past. Everything would go just fine until I dreamed of you, and this is not the first time this happened. Every time I dreamed of you, it just made the next few days or even weeks gloomy and blue. I wish time traveling existed even though I know full well that it’s not scientifically possible. 

If you ever come across this, which is impossible, I wish you well. Please be happy because you deserve it. And I’m sorry for everything dumb, awkward, embarrassing I had done to you. 


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