I forgave absolutely everything you did. You hid so many things from me. I did one silly mistake and there was no way back. It makes no sense. Im angry at you, at us. I stopped loving you the minute I knew you never gave up smoking. I stopped loving you when I went through your phone and saw disturbing messages about other women and talking crap about me. I stopped loving you but I stayed. I stayed because I had made a promise, that I was going to try to love you again, and love you in a healthier way. Biggest mistake ever. I became addicted to you. To your lies. I knew every time you lied, and I just continued drowning myself in you, and you took advantage of every single fragile moment that was created.
I did not cheat on you. I never hid anything from you like you did. You never hurt the way I am right now, and I envy you so much for that. I envy the power that you had of letting go so fast and moving on so quickly, without bothering how I was. You never bothered because if you loved me, you wouldn’t have done what you did and what you are doing. Every day is a new story with a new girl. Every day I see you doing things you never did with me with other girls.
But I don’t regret being with you.
I don’t regret crying for you or loving you too much. I don’t regret giving you every inch of my body to love and to admire for two years, I never will. All I did was give, and all you did was take. There was no reason for you to leave me the way that you did, but I learned that I couldn’t force you into being with me, and I stopped loving you months before the breakup. I stopped loving you but I never stopped trying, and what hurts the most is that you never tried. You never gave more than what was required, and I always went over the limit for you. Something had to change, but you and I both knew that we were never going to. Somehow, you were always in charge and I always loved a little too much.
It hurts to know that you never bother to ask how I am. It hurts that you don’t care about me when I still do. After all the crap you pulled, I can’t wait until the day you call me to know how I’ve been, even though I know that day won’t come. I believe that eventually I’ll stop waiting and stop caring about you. I don’t know if it will be soon or not, but I hope that day will come. I have nothing else to give to you, because I gave you everything you needed and more, I gave you my soul. You decided to leave, and it’s time to accept that and move on with my life. I can’t be with a person who won’t value me and will prefer hiding stuff rather than talking to me. I learned that I have to respect myself and set boundaries, and for my next relationship, I believe I’ll know what to do. In the end, no reason to stay, is a good reason to go.