To L., my love, bestfriend, dream come true, lighthouse guiding me home, warm hands hugging me in bed, woman with warm smile melting ice on my heart

I’m very sorry that I acted like that. I never ment to be so cold especially for you. We both are strange in our different ways. You always said what you sacrifice for me. I also had to do similar to keep some things working. I can’t accept that we couldn’t work it out and now there is no “us”. So many memories, moments we shared, pictures you took, plans we had, unique love which binded us together. Now after you asked me to leave flat without any chance to come back I lay down alone in different bed in other place from that you are in and I think about what was right and what was wrong. It’s been almost 3 weeks now. I still can’t move on because I love you. You called me your “husband” even that we were just in relationship, you introduced me to your parents and close family, I looked after your daughter. We were looking for a better place to rent. While cooking I’ve avoided things you were alergic to. You knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep while you layed down on me with your head on my chest, arm hugging me and leg layed down on my leg but you also knew I allow you to do so because I wanted you to fall asleep easily. I remember everything. I don’t know what have I become. I can’t explain myself. It’s just that we didn’t gave support each other. We stoped talking and I never had it easy talking with you. Your stubbornes and mine just had to start a little cold war. An argue from time to time sometimes about nothing. Different points of view, priorities in life, my “let’s think about this and options” and your “let’s do it or maybe don’t and after all everything will come out alright” attitude. We loved each other but we can’t find the same language. After some time and couple of fights we build a wall betwen us. I think that this killed our love. You blame me for being irresponsible, younger and because of this immature and that I don’t support you. You didn’t saw how many times you overused me, how many things I’ve done for you, how you did the same things you pointed out I’ve done and it was wrong. I loved you even that you’re destroying yourself. I couldn’t look at it and you didn’t want to hear about that one more time that I know best. I wanted to help you because I care and not because I have a golden advice and solution for everything so now listen to me and do as I say. You probably saw it this way. I could write a lot but it’s very late and I’m tired. The point is you gave me chances but I didn’t use them because I was too affraid I’ll flip it up without your support and working together solutions for our relationship. Love wasn’t enough to make it happend. It hurts me that at the end when you decided to end this you didn’t want me to repair everything. I was doing so for some time. Slowly but still it was a progress. But that son of a duck had to appear at some point and he told you what you wanted to hear. We broke up and after 2 days you were with him. Shame on you I found out about this. I won’t tell you how, I just did and it was easy to find evidence and fill gaps with untold part of the story. You didn’t want me to rescue this love because you prepared to move on and be with that “wife” thief. I know you know him for at least 2 and a half of a month. That garbage will use you and leave like unwanted toy. I wonder if he’ll still want you after you tell him all your dark secrets and when he’ll hear that the only child in this relationship will be your daughter because you can’t have another baby. If this, watching how you slowly kill yourself with smoking, crapy food, unhealthy lifestyle and bad job without a way to save you isn’t sacrifice and trying isn’t support then I’m really immature. I fear that you’re on a good way to hurt yourself even more than you did already. Your body have it’s limits but mind can move them. I wasn’t able to explain it to you. It’s hard to talk with someone who want to talk but can’t listen and don’t care. Now I’m lonely and unhappy and probably your new relationship will end like all other did in the past. Life just sucks. I’ll be thinking about all of this for now. After some time maybe I’ll start healing and after a year a memory of you won’t stalk me. After couple of years I will still remember you but without that regret, sadness, emptiness and guilt. I hope you’ll be alright. I forgive you that you basicly cheated on me. I was replaced by some another jerk. Maybe I wasn’t number one boyfriend and didn’t meet up with some expectations but i trully love you.

Yours,
S.