I have completely blocked you out of my mind because I had to. I was so young! There is something wrong with that and maybe I was too young to see it then but you prayed on me and used it to your advantage. I trusted you and loved you and you beat me. Do you know the emotional trauma that it has caused me to this day? I am not the same person that I once was. I don’t love the same. I don’t act the same. It has been four years and I haven’t been able to really process what happened to me.
It was just this year that I started to believe what happened to me four years later. I know that you prayed on me and that you took complete advantage of me. I know that you are the reason I lean into men when I am sad and that you are the reason that I go after guys that give me a quick feeling of happiness even though that happiness soon fades. I lean into toxic men for love because they trick me into believing that they will stick around and it’s because of you that I stick around with those men even when the happiness fades because I need to feel wanted because you never made me feel wanted. 
I don’t think you fully understand the complete trauma that you caused me at such a young and the lasting effects that it has left on me. I don’t think you know what you chasing me through town every time you see me does to me. I am broken. I keep trying to pick myself back up but this town is too toxic for me. Everywhere I go reminds me of the bad memories I have here. I didn’t realize at the time because I completely trusted you but you cheating on me was the best thing to happen at that time. I am so happy I got out of that toxic environment but you changed the way I look at the world. 
I know that you don’t care what I have to say and that you are happy with Alexa. I have some advice for you. Treat her well because when its all said and done you want her to think that you were a good man. Don’t hit her because even if you think it isn’t hurting or if you think that you are just joking think about how she feels. Show her nothing but love. The world is not against you so embrace the world and all the love it has to offer. This is me letting go of the past and my first attempt to move my life in a positive direction. It’s crazy that it has taken me four years but it’s truly never too late. 
Goodbye Joe