My Mom: “Find someone who respects you is the most important thing. Not some “luis” (louse)… addict.” 

That was you. A recovering alcoholic. In his first year of recovery from an exotic land. Matched online. We were only 24. Shit.   

I was only 24. “I have nothing to lose. I mean, I don’t have any kids or anything.”

The Narrator: She was 24 and had lots to lose. 

Red Flag #1 – we met in your first year of recovery. You were upfront. I was too naive and didn’t take the severity of the situation into account. 
I’m done with this Saviour Complex. I’m actively working on it.   

Red Flag #2 – you called me “a thirsty bitch” for wanting an ice tea on our first date. OUR FIRST DATE. How is that how you speak to someone you’ve literally just met. 

Red Flag #3 – you told me you loved me on our second date. OUR SECOND DATE. How can you LOVE someone you’ve literally spoken to for a month and only met in person twice? Spoiler: you can’t. I told you that I thought you were replacing a love addiction with your addiction to booze but you said stop listening to Dr. Google. 

Red Flag #4 – #111 – 
you borrowed money from me that you never paid back.
I caught you clearing up your apps and you were still ONLINE DATING. “Because I got a match was your response.”  
You never celebrated my wins at work, in fact, you were so dismissive of my success.
You kept trying to find the fault in me. “I think you may be an addict too. I think you may be a narcissist. You’re so high maintenance. The arrogance. So entitled.” 
EVERYTHING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS ABOUT YOU AND HOW BAD YOUR LIFE WAS. 
you compared to your Mother. 
you spoke poorly of her. 
you showed me how much she made in a month. 
you mentioned your ex, someone whom I’ve never met and will never meet, countless times.   
you were rude and shit to my friends on my birthday. 
you shouted at me. IN MY FACE. IN MY BED. 
you hit yourself in the face in front of me. 
you cried when I was angry. 
you let go of my hand in front of your friends. 
you always said that the ratio was imbalanced because you liked me more but what absolute bollocks that was. 
you didn’t like the way I dressed. 
you were mean. 
you were nasty. 
you said that you had better taste. 
you were charming. 
you were fake charming. 
you made fun of my Dad.
you were classist. 
you are a fetishist. 
you were so materialistic. 
you told me that you would never like yourself. 
you wanted a wife and kids but I don’t think you actually wanted that with me. 
you’re too blunt for me. 
you were shady. 
you were manipulative. 
you wanted me as your girlfriend but you didn’t want to be my boyfriend. 
you were so self-absorbed. 
By being with you, I felt like the supporting character in my own life. 
There wasn’t enough respect in our relationship. 
It was never an equal partnership. 
And after the APP incident, there was crack in the trust. 
You never gave our relationship a proper chance. 
You lack ambition. 
You think your parents or whatever girlfriend at the time will bail you out.
You called and asked “how many guys have you fucked since we’ve broken up?” 
No girl should have to be your girlfriend, personal ATM, therapist, mother and punching bag. (Metaphorically, although I can only speak for myself.) 

I felt love but I don’t think it was genuine. 
It felt forced and rushed and wrong.
You were the first boyfriend I had and I can’t believe I wasted my time with you.  

Too intense too quickly. 

I never had a relationship and wanted so desperately to be in one. 
“This is my boyfriend.” is all I ever wanted to say. 
Someone to hold my hand and to walk with me in the park and to sing with and to grow with and to build with. 
You took advantage of that. 
Perhaps its something that you wanted too. 

I hate that I still think about you so much. 

I allowed a relationship to take place that shouldn’t have happened. You were and are the wrong person for me. 

You need to learn to love yourself and stop being the victim of your own life. 

Last year I saw that you unfollowed me. ARE YOU JOKING. 

< <<<<<< blocked. all images deleted. >>>>>>>>>>

This is the 2nd year and I hope we never see each other again. I never want to pass you by on the streets of Japan or see you on a train in London. 

I hate that I couldn’t stand more up to you. We were incompatible and I didn’t have the guts to end it sooner for fear that you would do something to yourself. 

I write this to forget you. 
I write this to say that I want to move on.
I don’t want you anywhere near my next relationships. 
I want a clean slate.  
A healthier slate. 

I forgive you, Fleet.* (obvs not his real name.)
The relationship served its purpose. 
The Universe only knows what purpose that is.

I don’t want to see or hear from you again. 

I want to think about you less and less 
until one day,
you become a fleeting memory of someone I knew and dated for a wee bit.

It’s over. 
I refuse for you to occupy space in my present. 
This is long overdue but I’ve moved on.