Dear Pat, 
I want to say I’m sorry for the things I didn’t say, and the things I did say. 
You were the love of my life; you were my life. 
Somewhere along the way, because of life, I thought leaving would be best for you. 
When dad died and I witnessed the pain it caused my mother, and I was devastated. Mom hugged me at the funeral and told me I would be needed more than ever to help run the family. I understood her feelings because dad was gone. It wasn’t very long before mom and I started disagreeing on everything, constantly. I now believe she was mad at losing dad and had only me to release her anger at, I also believe she needed to grieve and couldn’t with me living at home.
You and I were happy; we flourished in our love. Life then disrupted again, it was only a couple of years and your father died, it brought back very sad and angry memories for me. Your mother hugged me at the funeral and told me the same thing; I was needed more than ever to help with the family. The pain in your mother’s eyes took me back to dad’s funeral and the sadness and pain in mom’s eyes. That’s when the thoughts of leaving started. 
We became a “condition” instead of a “connection”.
You, the person I trusted most in the world, I was afraid to talk and tell my feelings, my fears. 
This is to say I’m sorry, sorry for leaving, sorry for not trusting, sorry for not explaining, sorry for the pain I caused. 
Although undeserving, I hope you can forgive me
Gary