You were honestly my first love, I was head over heels in love with you and I saw a future with us, in my head I was planning babies and marriage. You made me feel special and you treated me so well when everything was good. But when it was bad, I felt like shit. I felt worthless and like I was tying you down. We were so good in Year 13, everything was going well, we spent that summer together, just being us. But I never fitted in with your other life. I never was the girl your friends would come to love, I wasn’t the girl you could show off. Your mum hated me, I know that, and I wish you’d stuck up for me a lot more. She made me feel fat and ugly, and like I wasn’t good enough for you. But those times when everything was good, I felt like a million dollars. I felt like a princess. Your cheeky laugh, the love in your eyes when you looked at me, the way you’d just hold me and not even have to say anything. But my insecurities got the better of me. I never really wanted to be intimate the way you did, I never felt as loving as I wish I was. I think it was over before we actually broke up. The minute you cheated on me in fresher’s, you told me that you didn’t love me like you used to. But yet I tried to act like nothing had happened. It had though. I couldn’t trust you anymore, I felt empty and alone right when I needed you the most. Those tears I shed for you when you left me in uni that first time I can never forget. I have never felt that way before, it signaled the end for me because that’s what it was. Yet I didn’t even know you’d cheated then. Maybe it was a sign. You broke my heart. You broke my heart and left me to pick up the pieces alone. That December we met again, I finally felt at peace. You gave me so much love and made me feel like the cheating had all been some stupid mistake. But it wasn’t because as soon as you went back you carried on like we’d never rekindled. I will never understand what made you do that, but you did, and I knew in my heart that we were never going to be the same again. That’s why I ignored you, shut you out, because that’s what you’d done to me as soon as you let another girl touch you the way I did. I want to you regret what you did to me, how you made me feel. I have so much hate towards you but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you though. I miss someone loving me so damn much, I miss feeling wanted and like I’m the centre of someone’s world. We’ll never ever be friends again though, I can tell you that for a fact. I can’t ever forgive you for this, and I can’t ever forgive you for leaving me for another girl. You broke me and you’ve changed me as a person. Since you, I’ve had no luck with relationships or guys, maybe just because that’s how it is, or maybe because deep down you still haunt me. I loved you so much and you broke me.