Dear my beautiful ex girlfriend,

I’m not here to slate you or call you every name under the sun cause what would that solve?
Would that make me feel better or fill the void you left no! No matter how many times I try to tell myself that I HATE YOU. Those words don’t speak truth although hating you would be easier but that’s not who I am.
I wanna say I forgive you but then that’s a lie and I’ve never once lied to you not when we were together and not now! Maybe I will in time, maybe I’ll forgive and forget but only time will tell. Time is a healer like that.
Every day that I’m alive I think of you, what comes after that is unbearable that feeling that my heart is crushing and be ripped out my chest 1000x over. Today I thought about what your doing, sunning it up in San Francisco with your family while you forget the pain and heartbreak you left behind. I wondered if you were happy or I was even a second thought in your mind before I never doubted you for a moment, but that’s all changed now.
I find myself feeling weak and helpless and wondering endlessly what I did to be treated this way? Was I a rubbish girlfriend? Did I care too much or not enough? What did I DO wrong? How is that fair? No matter how many times I try and block those thoughts out of my mind, they come back because you ran away cowardly your not here to give the answers I need.
I think back to night I was stabbed protecting you from that psycho. Before I went unconscious all I could think about was the day we met down at the beach when you were gazing out to the ocean and all I could do is look at you, left totally and utterly speechless by how beautiful you are.
After that remember the promises you made me? Maybe not because they were fake and you didn’t mean it right? Remember how you said “no matter what happens we get through this together I could never leave you”
You tried being cute writing on a Starbucks cup “your my hero babe I love you” was I your hero? Or a pawn in your game? An ego boost or a time passer. There are so many times I wish I died that night maybe would have saved me from all the heartache that followed. Yet here I am pouring my heart out to you all over again hoping your okay? You before me always …what happened to our infinity eh Isla? What happened to our life? These questions spin in my head 24/7 and there’s no escape BECAUSE YOUR NOT HERE
When I said you cry I cry I laugh you laugh I meant it where are you now hmmm? I risked my life for you for you to leave me where are you when I cry looking at our pictures or the slightest memory of you.
Every single night since you left me I’ve had nightmares it’s like a loop you leaving me over and over again, the feeling is unbearable all because I LOVE YOU!
I hope one day Isla I’ll see you again maybe you won’t even read this, maybe you won’t even give a s*** but that’s maybes can’t live your life on maybes so this is goodbye..

All my love
S