Our story doesn’t go back too far but in the short time that we have been in each others lives we’ve gone through a lifetime of hardship. Our situation wasn’t ideal. I still remember the first time I saw you at work. I was asking everyone about you. I couldn’t get you out of my head. At first we tried to stay away. We really tried. But our love was bigger than any struggle we were about to face. No one could know about us. It almost made it that much more desirable. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. The sound of your voice would light me up. Your smile was nothing like I had seen before. Everything about you was perfect. Our age difference wasn’t even a factor. There was nothing I expressed that you didn’t understand fully. There was no emotion or feeling you expressed that I didn’t feel as if my own. Everything fit and yet nothing did. I’ve heard many times that love sometimes just isn’t enough and I never understood what that meant until now. I fought for you for so long. I loved you than and I love you now. The feeling I have for you is bigger than life itself. The feeling you used to give me, the feeling I had when we were together or you were anywhere in sight was something I had never felt before. I did everything to deserve to love you. Through your personal struggles, career struggles and even finding out about your illness.. I was the only one there. All I needed was to feel loved back. You said you did. You even showed it sometimes. But every decision you had to make only brought us farther apart until one day you left all together. You still call. You still text. You still want me there. So why can’t you make the choices and decisions to allow us to be there? We fought for months to overcome all of this and be together where we felt the most at ease and suddenly you just stopped fighting. We were always on the same page and overnight it all changed. How did we get here? You were my happiness and when you left you took it with you. I never wanted to imagine my life without you and now I have to. I miss you everyday. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish you could hold me. Everyday I want you close. But you’re never there. There has always been something else to come before me. I don’t deserve to settle. I am strong. I am beautiful. I deserve the the love and nurturing care I have always given you. It’s hard to understand why you can’t just make the decision. It’s all in your hands and you don’t make the decision. I had to walk away and I continue to only become farther and farther from you. Maybe one day you’ll become a beautiful memory instead of a painful wound.
The feeling I have for you is bigger than life itself