10 Years. That’s how long it’s been. As pathetic as it is, I still love you all the same. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been along time and we have both moved on, grew up and found happiness but I’m not over it or you. Our love was young and wild and maybe that’s why it’s etched so deep into my brain because it was my first. For along time I blamed my insecurities and self doubt on why you broke up with me and to be honest I was pretty fucking crazy back then so it probably was. The older I get the more I realize your hand in breaking my heart. You, so detached. You wanted the girlfriend but not the label, you wanted someone to hold you and love you, but only when you wanted. You held all the cards and to be honest I know now that you just played me even if you dont see it youself. I mean I was the perfect score for somebody as egomatical and self absorbed as you. What erks me the most is why you still message me every few years talking about how much you loved me, how you still do but in a different way, how lucky my man is and all your regrets for hurting me. You make a point of talking about how well your doing, how much you’ve changed and grew up and apologize for things that you did in the relationship. As the years have gone on I have played less into this because again the only reason your messaging me is because you need some sort of valadation that YOU matter. You’re a fucking jerk man. So this is it, I am closing the book on you forever my first love. I don’t plan on “keeping in touch” and if for some reason fate aligns our paths to cross I will walk right past, insistent on only remembering how big your ego was and how hollow your heart must be.
10 Years Gone