When you ask people about love, they’ll often tell you of a heartbreak. To me, falling in love with you was like diving into deep water. Some reach the surface cold and out of breath, while others never even make it back to the shore. I have no earthly idea where I was on that spectrum, for you made me feel as if I was a part of both. Some days were complete heaven; refreshing. Other days I was drowning. What we had was something special (at least I thought), but our relationship became unhealthy towards the end. You were the first person I loved and probably the last person I will fall for so foolishly because the love I had for you was so strong and pure and something that can’t even be put into words. I hate the fact that I can’t hate you. Even after you continued to hurt me the way that you did. I know we ended on a bad note. But they always say the hottest love has the coldest end. It’s odd to think that I have become a stranger to you. I guess that’s what happens when you become so emotionally and physically involved with other people in such a short amount of time, you end up forgetting about that ONE person. We had a great bond. If you only knew about how much you hurt me. About the pain in my lungs when I think about you. About the uncomfortable lump in my throat when I swallow back my tears. About the crippling sadness I feel when I wake up from seeing your face in my dreams. About my stomach that was once filled with butterflies from every memory of you, now filled with sharp nausea. If you only knew about how fucking much I miss you. You promised you would always stay in touch with me. You promised a lot of things that just didn’t work out, though, I suppose. I know you’re happy now that you’ve left me because you told me that leaving me was the best decision you’ve ever made in your life. I hope you have found something worth your time, in the girl you are with now and I hope you treat her better than you’ve ever treated me. Communicate, be honest, be open with your feelings, be loyal, consistent, and decisive with her because those were things that I wish I would have gotten from you. I wish I had a chance to leave things on better terms with you, but you never want to fix anything with me. I never gave up on you even when I knew that I should have. You were my entire life. That isn’t something that just goes away. Even with everyone telling me how fucked up and how shitty of person you are, I still defend you. I still tell them that you used be an extraordinary person. I had my very first photoshoot last week. I go jogging every morning and eat healthier. I’m a lot closer to my dad. I’m doing as much as I can to keep myself busy from thinking of you but I still can’t help but get reminded of you with everything I see. And I really hate it. I hate the fact that after everything, I still love you so goddamn much. And I hate the fact that I know I am never going to stop. I don’t know if it matters to you, I assume it doesn’t but I’ll always want the best for you. No matter how long we’ve been apart. No matter what we did or what was said. I’ll never stop wanting the best for you. You know, I never really wrote about my thoughts or feelings before I met you and I just feel like I should stop writing now. I wish you’d write about me like how I write about you. I will truly never understand how when break ups happen, people like you are constantly temped into believing that they could be happier or do better. How can people grow together if they exit every relationship as soon as it gets challenging? It breaks me to say goodbye to you. In fact, I wanted with every fiber of my being for us to get the chance to meet in person and be able to say that we made it through the hardship. Thank you for wasting 2 years of my life but most of all, Thank you for giving me my first experience of “love.” You treating me the way that you did will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Love, “Mrs Perfection”