I wish we would’ve made it

I wish we would’ve made it

I wish we would’ve made it

LTME-postDear Clyde,

it’s not your actual name but if you ever come across this letter you will know it’s about you.
I don’t even really know why I’m writing this, but maybe it’s to get all of the anger and disappointment off of my chest.
Since you’re gone I’ve learned how to live. I still love you but that’s the thing, I wish I didn’t. No other person in my 21 years of life has ever humilated me in the way you did.
I do understand that a lot of things happened. I made mistakes, you made mistakes, and in a way I regret being part of what broke us. All I ever wanted was us to be a team. Communicate.
I gave you my life, all of my energy and I put so much effort into your happiness. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe it has just always felt as though we had to try hard to make each other happy. Maybe we should’ve stuck with “We would never work out” and still be friends. But you broke my heart. After waiting for me for so long, you just took all that we had and threw it away.

You’re life isn’t my responsibility anymore and I have to move on respecting that. All the “Maybe’s” and “what if’s” in my head make me ache. Of course I try to distract myself from thinking about you too much. Otherwise I wouldn’t have blocked you out of any way you could ever be able to contact me. I wish I could just move away so I didn’t have to see you hanging out with all the people I never liked. You never liked them either, which makes me feel bad for you. I know they’re not good for you, but it’s no longer my business.

You say we need to have a talk, but is there really anything we have to talk about? Anything we COULD talk about without hissing and srceaming? I never want you to hurt me again. But what’s more painfull than that is, I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Apparently that’s all we ever did.

I hope one day we can look at each other without feeling hatred and pain. I hope we’ll be able to just think about what we’ve had, not what we’ve lost.
I’m sorry that it hurts you to see me happy. It hurts me to see you without me as well. I just wish you all the best in life, that you get your shit together and get things figured out for yourself. I hope you’ll be able to focus on your priorities. Thanks for nothing at this point. Thanks for never letting me be your priority while you’ve always been mine. Thanks for all the energy that I put in, that ended up being wasted because you felt the need of lying to me. Please just let me be happy. Let me live and do all the things you never let me do. Travel and see things, whitout having to feel bad about you not being happy.
We’ll make it. I always told you, we’ll make it at some point. With our without each other, in the end we’ll be happy laughing about what the hell we did to each other.

I still hate myself for coming back to you everytime you hurt me mentally and physically. Until this day I don’t know what I was thinking. You never deserved all the attention and work I put into you and this useless relationship which did absolutely nothing but fucking me up in a way I told myseld I’d never get fucked up again in my life.
Thanks for trying to save me from something I never needed to be saved from. I’m glad I found back to the fact that me and myself are the only priorities I’ll look after for a freaking long time, starting now.

It’s hard to love someone who always pushes everyone away. But since I know you won’t push any of those UGLY BITCHES away, I’m glad to know you’ll still be an ugly-minded slutbag when you’re done. By the way, that’ll be the point where I’ll be back on my feet laughing about all of the crap you can’t carry up.

I hate you, I love you but I need to love myself more after all this time of loosing myself by trying to be the person you wanted me to be.

This goes out to you, now watch my tail-lights while I’m off chasing my dreams.

1 Comment

  1. Wobbs 4 years ago

    Dude everything you just were mad about is stuff that i havent done in a long time, satan is taking issues that weve alrrady fixed and wirking on your anger stoo it babe i love you

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