The past 3 months have possibly been the worst of my life and there are reminders of you everywhere. I look for you in everyone I meet, I hear your voice every time it’s quiet, you’re still in my head and on my skin. I’m only remembering specific details and pieces about you recently. The shape of your nose, the gap between your teeth, the sound of your voice and the way you used to say “good God” before everything. I remember how my hand fit in yours perfectly and how you used to laugh at me because of the way I used to look at you from under my hood, I remember our first kiss in the pouring rain that March afternoon, and I remember how I knew you were it, I remember talking to you about our future, our hopes and dreams, the way we used to joke around about me being “Mrs Evans” one day and what we’d name our children, the time you said that you’d probably be nervous when you’d propose to me – after going to the effort of taking me out for a 3 course meal… I miss your green eyes, though you seem to think they’re brown. I miss how you were there for me, always. It’s hard not to tell you about my day. But maybe this how I’ll forget you. After I’ve remembered every single piece of you, from top to bottom, you’ll be gone.
I saw you for the first time since we broke up on Saturday. It hurt. I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad. It was torture not being able to just hold your hand, to not be able to put my arms around you and never let go. It killed me to say hello to you, but I had to, I care about you too much to pretend like you don’t exist. I also saw your mum. She told me that maybe we’d get back together, and let me tell you, I wish we would. Even though you broke my heart and ruined me, I’d be silly enough to take you back in a heartbeat. Just know that I’ll be waiting for you Will, just know that I’ll be waiting. If you decide not to come back, then I suppose the feeling of emptiness will pass eventually.
Forever yours – while my heart beats in this life, and if we meet in the next – I’ll be waiting.
I’ll be seeing you, William