Maybe it’s time for me to leave the memories of us in the shadows. You always tell me that we’ll get back together in the future but it’s really hard to believe that you really didn’t even want me from the start. I don’t see how you can stay in my life and tell me “ i’m the best thing that has ever happened to you” , “ i’m the one you wanna be with when we are older and that you want to marry me.” it just seems like you just tell me all that because it is what i want to here and you know i won’t leave you. From the start of our relationship , i knew you were something different. No not bad different. You made me feel special. I remember how you use to stare at me and tell me that i’m so beautiful and the way you use to take my glasses off and tell me i had beautiful eyes even though they’re just brown. “ no, it’s the way the look in the sunlight and your birthmark in your eye makes it even more pretty.” I was always different when i was with you. I was more myself and more open. My mom loved you at first, i mean you were the first boy i ever brought home. My dogs loved you too. I hate that things changed after you left me. I know we didn’t even date that long but the way you had me feeling made me realize i wanted you forever. After you left and got with Hailey, i cried because i told myself i wasn’t good enough for you. I wouldn’t let myself delete the pictures of us because i had hope you’d come back. I cried myself to sleep for about a whole month straight because i really wanted you. After, i slowly got over you , you decided to come back but i had no idea you and her were still together. When i found out, i was so angry because i let myself fall back for you. I still remember when she found out and we didn’t have any contact for about a year. That’s when i was completely over you. I met someone new and thought my life was going great but i knew i had something missing. When you and her broke up … i got that friend request , i should’ve never accepted it. Right then and there , you called me. I had “ missed” the call at first because i sat there and watched it ring because i didn’t know what to do. I called you back and that’s where i went down hill again. I remember that phone call like it was yesterday. We talked for the rest of that day and all night til i fell asleep and you never hung up. I thought you changed and finally wanted me back. But i was completely wrong again cause guess what. You left again. You kept me around for a month or two telling i was the one and that i was here to stay. Remember when i use to come see you just because you missed me. There is a day i will never forget. You asked me to come over to your house. I straight up lied to my mom just to hang out with you. That’s the night where i met all of your mom’s side of the family. We hung out most of the night and we sure did kiss a lot. That’s the night i swore up and down that you wanted me for sure. But no, you left and got another girlfriend. That time hurt just as much as the first time but a little more because we got so much more closer. I told myself i was never going to come back to you. I lied to myself because it’s now 2018 and yet i still want you like we were together in 2015. FOUR YEARS AND I STILL ONLY WANT YOU. You’ve been single since that last girl and you called me and you haven’t left yet but i had to find out myself that you talk to one of my friends. Do you know how i feel? When i found out, i ran to the bathroom and cried til the last bell of the day rang. I asked you about it and then you didn’t even lie to me about it. You only said “ yes.” I lied and acted like i was okay with it but i really wasn’t okay with you doing that to me. But i don’t wanna lose you again so i just hide the way i feel about it. The other week i made sure i’d have that talk with you. It started out in an argument because i was being petty towards you and delia. I finally told you that i was madly in love with you and yet you didn’t say anything back about it. Instead you wrote me a long paragraph about how you got my back like no one else and that we’ll end up together one day but right now is not the time. Which made no sense to me honestly. I told myself that i was stupid for opening up to you and that i was missing something you wanted. I just didn’t know what i was missing. I gave you my all. I put everything into our relationship and friendship we had. Yet you barely put anything into our type of relationship. But i don’t like fighting with you about anything cause you get so mad. But that is okay, cause today is the day where i delete your number and cut you out of my life. I don’t want half ass love. You either wanna love me and be with me or not. It is that simple. I hope you find someone just like me because no one else is gonna hold you down like i do. I will love you forever but it’s time for me to let you go move on. Goodbye. Shylei.
I don’t want half-assed love