dear b,
i care so much about you it’s … i can’t even think of a word to explain it. i really love you and i wish you would give it a chance to work out or to see how things go but i know you don’t want to and i can’t force you. i wanna be warm in your arms and let you love me. i wanna ride around in your car with the windows down listening to old r&b that we both love. i wanna be able to cry in your arms when life is throwing so much bullshit at me. i want to be the person you come to when you’re stressed. the person you come to when you’re pissed , when your sad , when you’re happy. i want to be the one that you tell how great or shitty your day was and be able to comfort you. i haven’t felt this way about someone in over a year and i just want you to know and i want you to know that. you’ll never read this and of course, i don’t have the balls to tell you any of this. i’ve tried to before and you almost walked out of the room. i have a playlist of songs that you’ve introduced me to and that i listen to on days like this. days where i just need you and want you so bad. i went to your baseball game today and two of my friends were there supporting their boyfriends and all i wanted to do is be able to have a sign for you with you jersey number too. i saw you and i wanted to be the girl that came to all your games and supported you even if you didn’t do well in your eyes. i love you but i don’t trust myself anymore. i should’ve ended it before it started but i didn’t because i wanted you so bad i did whatever i could to keep you. i remember having great conversations with you in the begining and when we started fucking around everything changed. you changed. i hate you for that. and i hate myself for that sometimes because i saw it coming. my last relationship was a disaster and i don’t mean for you to fix my heart but i expect you to respect my feelings and listen. i just want you to go back to where you were, to who we were. do you think you could do that? for me? for the person you love most in this world.