Chances are you will never see this letter, and that’s ok. Reading some of the other letters on this site and some people going thru a year, two, three some longer still feeling the pain from their break up, that’s just scary to think about.
Saturday night in bed you told me that you want someone who will chase you because you do run and maybe our conversation Monday was you running, I turned the car around and started driving back towards you, but as I was re-reading the text messages you sent me. The two things you said that stood out were “I’m not the one for you” and “frankly I miss my life” that stopped me from running after you. See, as much as I’m in love with you, the thought of you “missing your life” made me sad, mostly because your happiness means more to me than anything else in the world. Because you said that, it made it ok in my heart to let you go as much as it kills me to let the most amazing person i’ve ever met walk out of my life and me not do anything to try and stop her, save us.
That said, I guess what confused me was all the new introductions to your family and friends and more importantly, your kids. All of the time we’d spent together, especially lately; and I had no clue you felt this way. We’d just spent an amazing 4 days together at “our place” all the while you felt like this, maybe I missed the signs? We talked like there was nothing wrong in the car, you said I love You like you have a million times, you kissed my hand, you laughed, smiled, and then it suddenly all stopped. Was it something that happened Sunday? Was it the phone call from your ex Sunday night? I’m thinking it was that call, you didn’t want me near you that night when we went to bed, and the kiss good bye in the morning said a lot. I truthfully thought you were upset because of the trip I had to make to our board meeting, I even called and made changes to the schedule to get back to you sooner I’m sorry I missed the signs, and sorry I missed that you weren’t happy.
You reaction to me inviting you to the tournament in Florida surprised me, I know that’s not your thing, but the players bring their spouses and girlfriends with them, there’s big dinners and awards, etc, I wanted you there for me as selfish as that sounds. I wanted to show you off, to hold your hand in front of everyone, to meet some of my closest friends and their wives. I wanted you there for support, mainly because whenever something happens good or bad, you’re the first person I want to tell and this tournament is a big deal every year, and my first time there as a player not just a watcher so, big for me too.
I told you I would never forget the size 5, and I didn’t. I had a ring in my bag this trip, and I couldn’t wait to give it to you but the time never felt right I guess that was a sign in its self.
I still can’t bring myself to tell anyone that we’re over. It’s hard, and telling someone about it makes it real in my world. I don’t know how to do it. I know I will have to soon, but I don’t want too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reached for the phone to try and send you a message, but I remember your words and put down my phone. I’ve never felt like this before, heart broken over loosing you but happy that you can now find someone that won’t make you feel like you’ve lost your life to them.
I’m going to leave it there. Monday I start packing to move out of the state, and as much as I want to see you and hug you one last time, I know I can’t. Whomever gets you is going to be the luckiest person in the world and while I wish it was me, it makes me happy knowing that you will find the right person for you who will love and adore you as much as you deserve to be.
I Love You,
Your Stickie Note