Here’s where I’m at

Here’s where I’m at

Here’s where I’m at


Here’s the deal R,

I love you too much. So much that it crushes me to think that your love might not be as deeply rooted and twisted and entangled as mine is for you. I would still do anything for you and to see you smile but I know you wouldn’t do the same if it isn’t convenient for you. Yes, I broke up with you, yes it looks like my life is great and I’m moving on but in reality, I’m not. I’m broken that we are strangers and that while we try to make this friendship work you still fill me with false promises about how much you care but you don’t. I’m broken that the person who claimed to move the world for me now can’t find the time to call on my birthday. I’m broken because I’m realizing that lies and false promises are not mistakes but they are patterns. Yet somehow that doesn’t decrease my toxic and boiling love for you. I told you I needed space to grow but you wouldn’t give it to me. I broke up with you because you were suffocating me, weren’t letting me explore and be myself. You were imprisoning me in the same way my parents have done and I was beginning to resent you for it. But I know it wasn’t coming from a place of malice. I can’t get over you until I let you go and for me, that means not talking to you. My fear is that you’ll let go of me and that honestly scares me to death because I don’t want whatever love I have to for you be unrequited. I’m holding you back and you’re holding me back and the more I try to grasp at a friendship with you the more I get hurt. The way I love you isn’t healthy or sustainable. I can’t be your friend. I’m sorry, goodbye.


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