I hate you but I still love you. I want you in my life, I want you to be my best friend, my rock, the person I phone when I’m crying or had a shitty day, my person. I want everything to go back to the way it was before I moved. Before I moved it was amazing; spending time together, inseparable from each other, people would say “where were you last night?” I’d reply “I was with you…”. But now, HA! I can’t even see your name pop up on my phone without getting the shakes and getting upset. I can’t go to Edinburgh anymore because I’m scared I’ll bump into you. I can’t talk to certain people about certain things because I know, 100%, they will go back to you and tell you. I can’t even make plans with certain people because I know how much you hate them and how you know what they are like and how I will get fucked over. You always knew who I should be hanging about with and who I should stay clear of yet you never warned me about you… you never warned me about how hard I would fall for you, how I’d fall completely, madly and truly in love with you, you didn’t warn me about the drama and heart break that comes with you. Not once did you ever tell me how you were the bad person, you were the bad influence, you were the one that would completely mess with my head and change me into someone I don’t even know now. You changed, when you went to university you completely changed into this person I don’t recognise as you. You always told me you would never go near or touch drugs yet you bragged about taking ecstasy and sending me snaps of the tin you have of “your weed”. Where did the guy I fell for, I knew as my best friend go? I think he got left when you went on your lads holiday. I seriously think you left him in Amsterdam because when you came back you had changed into someone I thought I knew… You brag to everyone about how horrible I am, how much you hate me, how much you wish you never met me yet one of the most life changing things that I’ve gone through happened because of you. If I had never met you, I would have never moved, I would have never tried to kill myself, I would have never had to leave everything I had in Edinburgh, it is all your fault. You used me to your advantage. You just wanted someone close enough that will fulfil your needs and wants and when you can’t be bothered with them then you have no interest in them. You made me feel unstoppable, now? Well that’s a different story. I feel like everything that I come across in my life I can’t get passed without you. I feel like I need some sort of moral support or help or advice from you because you have had this magical hold over me for such a long time. Not anymore. You blocked me on everything because you hate me, well…. next time you get your current girlfriend to message me saying you “miss me” and “want me back in your life” I’m going to tell her everything. All the messages, photos and things you told me whilst you were going out. I let you get away with it so many times and I covered for you but not this time. This time I’m dropping you in the deep end and letting you drown because it’s what you deserve. You deserve to drown and lose everything like I did. I will never come along behind you and clean your mess. I’ll just make it worse and worse. So now, to let you know I’m okay, I’m doing fine and every time you come into my mind it’s shut down by the word “liar” because that’s all you are to me and that’s all you ever will be…