Dear Who I thought was my forever,
I’ve been thinking a lot about how things ended up the way they did. I have so many unanswered questions and so many unspoken and unexpressed emotions. While my anger towards the situation is gone, the hurt is very apparent. It’s so hard to imagine that when we first met I was so broken and lost. But somehow, when you looked at me with those eyes, I felt safe and at ease. I never thought I would connect and trust somebody so fast as I did with you. You coerced me out of my shell, out of my safe bubble and made me really take in the world for what it was. As our relationship carried on, I felt okay being vulnerable with you and opening myself up and exposing my flaws to you. When I did, you told me that you would still love me no matter what. You always told me that it was okay and that everything would be alright. But little did I know that things would never truly be alright. Deep down I never really believed things would be fine. But I attempted to make the best of it. I’m sorry for all of the times that I expressed the problems, worries or stress I had going on in my life. I wish I had managed my emotions with you, and expectations of you better. I wish I was more understanding and didn’t pressure you as much about committing to a future with me. Lastly I wish I had understood you better in order to love you better.
However, you weren’t so innocent yourself. I poured out my heart to you and told you things I have never shared with anyone before. I planned my entire future around you. I was so prepared to commit solely to you. So much so, that I was prepared to never speak to my family as a way of saying “I’m ready to start my life with you.” And that entire time I had no idea that your intentions were very different and that you had lied to me all of these years. Hiding your past that you had been married and had kids was a hurt that I could not look past. Everything you had said and promised me in the last 5 years had vanished in a second. You had let me fall in love with a version of you, and were asking me to base my future on that version. I could not move forward with that notion knowing what you were potentially capable of – even when you had begged for a second chance to grow yourself.
When I ended things with you, it hurt. I cried for days, weeks even. But eventually I pretended to be over you to cope. It sucked. I kept thinking of all the good times we had over the course of four and a half years. All the things we planned to do in the future. Your smile, your laugh and even your voice, haunted me for months. It was so hard to be upset about things that never even happened or be sad about a family that hasn’t even started.
Now, it may sound like I regret being with you, but I don’t. And here are the reasons why. Being with you taught me so many things such as what love truly feels like, how it is to open up to someone and how to be happy. I learned that I never need to rely on anyone ever and that I need to find out who I really am. So, thank you because without you breaking my heart I don’t think I ever would have found myself. I was able to discover a love for myself as well as how to make myself a better person. After many very long and dreadful months, I am a completely new person. I am now able to do anything and everything without any one holding me back. There isn’t an obstacle that I can’t overcome. So, thank you for making me realize that. At one point, I wanted you to hurt as much as you hurt me. But now, I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope all the lies and cheating was worth it, and I hope you get to live a wonderful life. I’ll miss you from time to time, but that’s okay. I still have your pictures in my phone next to the people who make me the happiest, but I’m fine with yours being among them. Over all, I hope you’re doing fine and deep down I will always still hold a little bit of love for you in my heart.
-Signed, A completely changed person