Umm…This is kinda weird. I haven’t met or talked to you in last 3 years, yet here I am! Writing something to you that’ll never reach you!
How are you, S? What’s been going on in your family? I hope your parents are in good health, your sisters happy in their families. I hope you’re shining in your own life a champ!
You know something, I don’t want you back in my life. You’re not the kind of person I’d like to share my life with anymore. But yet, I keep thinking about you. I like to imagine what would have happened if we were not so different in our point of views. What if things were different? What if you were still my best friend, my solution center to all problems? What if you’d still pick up the phone and just say my name without hi or hello like you used to do. What if we could still hold hands, make jokes, be idiots together! Sometimes I even imagine you being with me at my day to day lives, I imagine what we’d do if we were here together. Do you ever think of me? Do you ever think about your old days and remember that there was a girl? When you’re hanging with your school friends, do you even remember that a certain person is missing?
I’m telling you again, it’s not like I want these to happen in reality. In fact, I feel guilty that I imagine things like this. Because I know for a fact, I don’t want you back in my life. I’m so grateful to Almighty that we are not in touch. But, you’re the only one I ever loved and dated till today. You’re the only man I’ve ever hugged!
You know what, of all the things that went wrong between us, I have only one question. Was it too hard to forgive me? Was it too hard to reply my last message? Did you already hate me so much that you couldn’t bring yourself to give me a farewell text? I didn’t want anything in return, I had just apologized and explained things in that message. You could’ve at least say, “ok”. We knew each other from pre-school, we were inseparable for more than 12 years! Yet, you deprived me of that closure I still crave! Why? Because I didn’t do things or follow paths according to your choice? Just because I grew up to have my own different choice? Or just because you didn’t like me loving you?
I deserved a closure, S. I deserved a goodbye after all those years. I used to love you. And I believe you did too, no matter how short lasting that feeling was!
Your “kola pata er jhuti”!