Not anymore

Not anymore

Not anymore

Dear Carlos, 
Meeting you and loving you was something I never thought was in stock for me. For the first time in my life, I loved someone without doubt or restriction. And once you knew you had me, you toiled with my emotions. You made me feel insignificant, small, like I was nothing. Even after feeling all of that I still held onto the hope that love was enough and you would come back for me. You did, but only to remind me that you loved me so I could open up the door and you reek cautious again, leaving me broken. To think I set aside my dreams in order to make us work, to start a family.

I’m stupid, I’m stupid for ever thinking a man that doesn’t know honesty could be a good partner for me. I’m stupid for having everything and offering you all of it while you were nothing. YOU WERE NOTHING. YOU ARE NOTHING. All I wanted was security and all you brought were lies. I don’t know if i’ll ever get over the pain you caused me. I spent three months dealing with emotions I’ve never felt, three months of crying daily and begging for you to give me my place; how fucking embarrassing. But not anymore. I don’t care if it sounds bitter but not anymore. Not for you, not for anyone. Only me.


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