Dear C, It’s only been a few hours but I know this time it’s real. The way you looked, the way way your eyes looked so far gone, the way you shrugged me off when I tried to hold onto you for one last time before you left, I’ve never seen it before and that scene has been playing over and over in my head since you left. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so empty. You were my whole life. We did absolutely everything together. To have that all taken away so suddenly is a shock I still can not fathom. You continued to leave as I layed on my bed crying. You showed not even an inch of concern for the pain that you just inflicted on my soul. You left regardless. No last goodbye. No closure. You just wanted to get away from me as soon as possible.
How did our amazing deep love turn into such a cold emotionless pain. As I lay here not knowing where to channel all my emotions, I just want you to know I did my best. I put in my all. Every part of my being went into US. Now all that effort was for nothing. I should have let you go a long time ago…before things got so intense between us. We could have saved ourselves the heart break, the hurt and the pain.
I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. I never loved anyone as hard as I did you. I think I loved you too much for you to handle. I think I loved you the way I wanted to be loved. That cute puppy dog love that makes you obsessed. Clearly loving too much is also not the right thing to do. I just want to forget you, every memory and ever meeting you.. It’s the only way the pain will stop. I hope when you move on you love someone as much as I love you only then will you be able to understand the depth of pain I’m feeling. I’m so numb it hurts. I can’t even sleep the nightmares of you leaving me has become a reality. I don’t know where to escape to. But like you said, I will get over it eventually, you clearly have no idea how much I love and still am in love with you. Nothing will ever save me from that. But I thank you for being my last lesson I’ve finally learnt to never fall in love again.