To my first love

To my first love

To my first love

Hey B. It’s been almost seven months since you left me and the thought of you still gives me butterflies. I want to let you know that i still love you. I don’t think i’ll ever stop unfortunately. That doesn’t mean i’ll be the crazy ex who keeps running after you – trust me, i tried that and we both saw how terribly that played out. I’ve grown a lot, and i’ve decided that if i can’t have you in my life as my partner i still want to have you in it as my friend. You mean so much to me B, you were my first everything. I still mean every single promise i ever made you, did you know that?

I want to let you know that i’ve forgiven you. I don’t know if you’re sorry for any of the things you did to me but it’s ok. I’ve made my own peace with it since i can’t get any closure from you and that’s just how it has to be. I’m not going to try to hate you anymore, it’s pointless.

I want to tell you about what happened a few months ago when i was in the airport. I sat down to tie my shoes after security, and a man sat down next to me. B, he smelled just like you. I felt so awful and out of control when i took in that first inhale. All the memories came flooding back. It reminded me of how amazing your hugs are, how amazing it feels to be so incredibly close to you. Will i ever get that feeling again? Who knows.

I could go on for a long time about why and how i still love you, but i won’t all i want to say is that a piece of my heart will always belong to you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me how to love even when it’s hard. It’s like a wave, right? Always changing, but always present.
I love you.
– your always and forever.


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