I know you’ll never see this but I want to say that I’m sorry about everything that lead up to you leaving me. It’s was rough for you those last couple of months and I was so distance you were alone in a relationship that you once felt so secure and loved in. There’s things I wish I could change about the arguements we had in the past I would get so angry and I say things that should’ve never came out of my mouth. Those chances I had to make things right when you were on the verge of leaving me I didn’t notice I was so oblivious all the signs were there you had been hurting for so long and I did nothing. I broke us I broke you even though you’re gone now I’m still there the pain I caused hangs over your head like a dark cloud. How could I hurt the woman I love ? It was all in my head I could never express how much I really cared about you then right now because you won’t see the trust that you once had for me is gone. The girl I fell in love with is slowly fading away and now you’re in a new relationship it speeds up the process even more. I’ve been trying my hardest to keep in contact with you and try and show you that I can change for us I know it would work if you just let your gaurd down for me again. I get embarrassed after showing you how fucked up I am after all these months you’re only person I talk to about these things if I’m not talking to myself but I don’t think it helps I’m just pushing you away showing how weak I am now. I wish we could just be alone and talk about all of this face to face just me and you but it’s easier for you to not be around a be forced to face everything that I put your through at once. We talk to each other a lot and you’ve already explained to me that you almost found yourself giving me another chance but you just couldn’t do it. You get this uncomfortable feeling after talking to me or being around me I can never tell if it’s good or bad once we get off the phone I can only hope you call the next day something always changes I never trying and pick up were we leave off so I’m left with many thoughts.

I couldn’t sleep most nightsand I still cant all these dreams of you sleep wake me up everytime. I cried almost everything day thinking about all my mistakes and how they effected you and I started to cut myself just to feel the kind of pain I put you through. I started out drinking and doing more drugs I fell numb for a little bit but the high doesn’t last forever the pain hits even harder. I wanted to die I have nothing anymore.

I can only imagine what things would be like if you gave me another chance to make this right. Everytime you call I hope it’s to tell me that you want me back and you still miss me I don’t know if that part of you still exist I can only hope you still feel something for me. Time just keeps passing me by it’s been almost 5 months and counting and I’m still in love with you..

Love Squishy