It’s been a while since we’ve talked. I remember the day you left like it was yesterday. The moment you said you couldn’t date me anymore, my world came crashing down. I felt like the floor was pulled from beneath me. But here I am, one month later and I am okay. I want you to know, that you no longer hold that power over me anymore.
Our relationship was something that took me by surprise. You taught me so much about myself and about love.
You showed me what it was like to be completely comfortable around someone. You showed me what it was like to be loved by a boy.
But you also showed me how easy it was for someone who always told you they loved you to just take it back. You should me that the same person who has the power to make you so happy, also has the power to make you see so sad. You showed me that those three words, “I love you,” can be so fleeting; that one day you could be so in love and the next day be so cold. You showed me that even though two people who have gone through so much together, who were once so in love, can turn into strangers with the matter of a few words.
I want to hate you so bad. I want to blame you for all the pain you put me through, for all the tears I’ve shed. I want to despise you for making me feel this way. I want to hate you for planting yourself in my life and making me fall in love with you. I hate that I made you happiness, the center of my world, my love. I hate that after eight months, I still got butterflies every-time I saw your face, that my heart skips just a little bit whenever I see your texts.
But I don’t hate you. Because you don’t deserve to dictate my emotions any longer. I am not going to let this make me bitter, I am better than that. I am better than you. I don’t need to announce to everyone on social media that I am single. I don’t need validation from my peers to feel better about myself. And I think throughout all this, I learned that I don’t need you.
You never were able to put me first. You were never able to love me enough. Today made me realized that you never deserved me.
And starting from this moment you’ll be someone I used to know. And that’s okay. Because I’ll find another you. One that will love me like I deserve and make me feel cherished. Someone who doesn’t make me question their love for me.
Thank you for being my first love. Thank you for letting me go.
Through it all, I hope you’re doing well.