I still want you

I still want you

I still want you

LTME-postIf i will be given a chance to start my life over again, i would still choose the path where i’ve known you. I would still choose the time where you and i exist. But i would be more careful, i’ll be more cautious, and that i will do the right thing for myself so i will be right for you.

Isn’t it pathetic of me, that after all the pains i’ve felt, i would still rather chose you than anybody else in this fucking world? Isn’t it stupid of me to still make my heart beat for someone like you who isn’t ready to commit with me? Isn’t it crazy that i still love you enough for me to be willingly wait for you? Ohh God if you exist, this heart of mine would only be for you.

Loving can really be painful, despite that, i always love unconditionally, without asking anything in return, without hesitation and without questions. I always love wholeheartedly because i know the feeling of not being loved that much. It’s hard, its really really hard. But what should i do if this fucking heart of mine, only beats for you? You cant blame me for choosing to love you as much as i cant blame you for not chossing to love me. It’s just, life is unfair!

I still find myself everyday and every fucking night crying a river of tears for you. I swear, i tried so so hard to stop, but it’s not that easy to move on. It’s not easy to just forget what made me feel like heaven. I always found myself reading our old conversations and it would crushed me badly remembering those promises and words you’ve once said, the assurance that you wont hurt me and the hope that you gave me.

Why? Am i that so hard to love? Or easy to let go? or easy to forget? Yeah, i know, i’m not a head-turner, not a hot-classy chick and not a show-off girl. Is that how you define relationship? Maybe i was really not good enough for you. Maybe too much or nothing at all. But i wish you could’ve given me one chance. I never asked you to marry me, or to engage yourself with me forever. But i wish you didn’t ended with me like that. I know all the sweet lies you’ve said, but i was blinded by those because what i have for you is true. And that i thought, that would be enough.

I don’t know what made you change your mind so quick. Like yesterday you said i was the best thing that ever happened to you, then the following day, you don’t want anymore. Did i really made you feel less like that? Maybe it’s all lies, but this fucking heart of mine believed you. I believed in everything about you. I trusted you but all you did was break my heart.

I maybe a fool, but i ain’t a numb. I know deep down i. your heart, you felt something about me. You might not admit that, but i know, i felt those. Your warm hugs, your kisses, the way you held my hand, the confort you made me feel, the way you look into my eyes, and the warmth of your body. It’s overwhelming and i know its real. You might just be scared to admit coz maybe it’s your ego who whispers not to.

I was still here, left wondering what could’ve i done wrong. What’s not enough of me and why you left me with all those questions.

Babe, you’ve hurt me a lot. Im in pain. Mg heart’s been crushed into million pieces yet it’ still been longing to get back into pieces for you. And i don’t know how to endure this all. I don’t know when it will stop. I don’t know how to unlove you. I don’t know how to forget. I don’t know how to get angry at you, i cant. And i cant do that you. How i wish i could just die. It will be the easiest way to end everything. But i want to live more. I still have this littlest hope, that one day, someday, you’re gonna look back on me. That you’ve gonna feel me and be able to see my worth. But i don’t know when will that be?

I know it’s crazy. Im insane. I feel like a masochist. Because id rather be heartbroken than to give up and not gave it a try. I know i sound so pathetic. But don’t ask me to forget. Don’t ask me to move on. Time will only tell, but don’t be so cruel on me. Don’t kill whatever i have for you. Don’t, please.

I will always love you babe, always.


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