Wish I could erase you

Wish I could erase you

Wish I could erase you

LTME-postDear you..
Wow, just laying here thinking about writing this letter out has my eyes watering up already. Where do I even begin? Where did we even go wrong? Or how ? Its crazy how you went from being my Bestfriend, my lover, my boyfriend, my world, to becoming a stranger in my life. And I wish with everything in me I could just tell you all of this to your face.

You hurt me. You broke me down like no other person has before. No, you never hurt me physically, but mentally and emotionally you destroyed me. And till this day, I don’t think you realize the damage you did to me. You were supposed to be “the one”. We planned on moving in together, having a baby, getting married, all that good stuff.. and I believed you. And part of that is probably my fault for trusting you, but trust ME when I say I wanted to have ‘that’ world with you. But now as I look back, is that what you truly wanted too? Or were you just telling me all that just to keep me around ?

From having pictures of different girls saved in your phone, to having girls comments under your social media pictures (and you liking them), to you having my name saved under your phone as just my name… no emojis, no cute nickname, nothing. There was times you would block me on social media just so I didn’t see what you were posting, or I couldn’t see your comments. And every time I would ask you about it , it always turned into an argument. Or the situation would always turn around on me somehow.

You always claimed you didn’t like to argue with me. I never liked to argue with you either though. All I ever wanted was clarification. When you were out doing the things you were doing.. it hurt. While you were hiding the things you were hiding, that also hurt. You don’t see how you were affecting me, how much you were hurting me. How often I used to cry over the nonsense you were putting me through. You would tell me you loved me, then a couple days later, would tell me you needed a break? That you didn’t like how our , so called, “relationship” was going. When I would ask you how did you want to fix it, your answer was always “I don’t know”. How didn’t you know?

I was (and still am) in love with you. And with every piece in me, I mean that. Now that Im beginning to venture out into meeting new guys & new people.. I can’t help but just to think about you. And how these people I’m talking to aren’t you and could never be you. Yes, you hurt me extremely bad, but at the same time my heart beats for you, which you fail to realize as well. Everyone I’m coming across with, I’m comparing to you, & they can’t compete.

So what do I do now ? Continue to wish I had you back & pray to have everything good, like it once was. Or completely give up? Erase you out my memories. I was in love with you boy.. and although you claimed to love me, I know with everything in me, you didn’t love me the way I loved you. You didn’t care for me the way I did for you.

It’s crazy how someone can me so in love with someone else, and they don’t seem realize it. They give you back half the energy , you gave to them..

I love you.. but right now I can’t keep hurting myself with you, but I’m also not ready to completely let you go. I guess this is what Love does to someone … I just wish I could just talk this all out with you. So we could either fix it, or agree to split ways officially the right way…

Know that I miss you… I miss the actual good times we had together, from date nights, to getting drunk together in hotel rooms, to our sex, going out to eat. Even the parked car conversations we used to have. Just seeing you made my days.. until we started going downhill. Until you didn’t set me as your main priority. It’s okay though, because one day you’ll realize what you did to me. You’ll realize how you hurt me and you’ll realize you lost out on a good girl who was head over heels for you. No matter what though, you’ll always have a special place in my heart first love.

Love, me.

1 Comment

  1. Nick 3 years ago

    This letter is so broad and nebulous that I suppose it could apply to many men. So much of it does to me, though the girl moved on long ago I thought. Also my name is Nick, and this letter showed up when searching for my name. A long shot I know. But the time and place I spent with that girl is something I hold more dear to me than anything else in my world today. I certainly loved her as much as you claim to love this guy. And you’re right… that’s something I didn’t fully understand until it was gone.

    Probably not him. But I bet your Nick feels the same way.

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