i know that you probably hate me, and most likely always will. i miss you but you’re no good for me. you left me broken Jacob, and you’re completely fine. i wish that i could be fine like you, but no matter how hard i try, i can’t. i just cant be happy like you. everyday i still feel like texting you, to say good morning, to ask you how class is, to ask how your day is, to ask how you’re feeling, to say i love and miss you, and to say goodnight. seeing you in the halls hurts, my heart drops every time i see you.

I saw you in the halls today for the first time since we broke up, and right when i saw you my heart dropped, i was light headed, i couldn’t breathe, i almost passed out, and i almost threw up. god its so weird seeing you and not going up to you and hugging you and kissing you. you meant so much to me as my first real love, my best friend. i never imagined the day would come that i couldn’t call you that anymore. when i wished every night that you would text me, i never imagined that it would be like that. when you said “and next time I walk past you I want you to know that I would’ve rather done it in 2 weeks so i won’t have memories” that hurt me jacob. that was so fucked up.

I now forget what it feels like for you to tell me you love me and mean it. when i look at pictures and videos of you i can still smell you. i still have dreams about you, and when i wake up i feel like we are together. i know other people didn’t think we were perfect, but to me we were pretty perfect. i always felt like the luckiest girl when i was with you and thank you for giving me that feeling. it was one of the best feelings ever, and sometimes i feel like i will never feel like that about anyone again. if i was in a room with any guy i have ever liked, i would still look for you in that crowd and run straight into your arms. i still remember the first day we met in person, i was so nervous that i couldn’t even look at you lol. i still remember the first kiss, the first i love yous, the first forevers. those memories replay in my head all the time.

Everyone tells me i need to let go and move on but thats one of the hardest things i’ve had to do in my life. i know the boy i fell in love with is still there, life is so hard without him but i have to deal with it. like you always used to say to me whenever i would complain about a tiny little inconvenience “life sucks” it really does and it sucks a whole bunch more now that you’re gone. and maybe, when the time is right, we can meet again as strangers that know each other a little too well. strangers that somehow still feel like home.